


Breaking The Law For You

by gaynation



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Prison, Angst, Drug Dealer Lexa, Drug Dealing, F/F, G!p Lexa, Girl Penis Lexa, Hate, Heavy Angst, Inmate Blake, Inmate Griffin, Inmate Reyes, Inmate Woods, Love/Hate, OITNB - Freeform, Polis Prison, Prison, Prison Sex, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 19:01:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 38,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7326556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaynation/pseuds/gaynation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin is sentenced to one year of prison for crimes she has committed in the past. </p><p>(An Orange is the New Black setting with characters from The 100)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Inmate Griffin

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, this is my first fanfiction. I hope you all like it!

_“I shouldn't be here”_

_“I shouldn't be here”_

"I shouldn't be here" she said to herself, over and over again.

Clarke Griffin, innocent Clarke Griffin. Was she really innocent?

_Let's rewind._

She had it all, the perfect boyfriend, the loyal best friend, the loving family. Some would say she had the perfect life. The perfect life that is..until she met Lexa Woods.

She hated Lexa.

She hated everything about her, her smug looks, her sly smile,those emerald green eyes- especially those emerald green eyes that had the power to make her forget what day it was. Those beautiful plump lips. Her raspy voice that could turn Clarke from desert dry to Brazilian Rainforest in seconds. Those hands..oh god those hands that knew exactly how to- wait no she hated Lexa.

She often thinks to herself, what her life would have been life if she had never met Lexa Woods..probably not in this shithole.

It was Finn who had taken the courtesy of driving her to the prison. Polis' Correctional Facility Institution. "The states most prominent correctional facility.."

She loved Finn she did, everything about him was so innocent and pure. It was always easy with Finn. He was a best friend more than anything. All those nights they spent watching re-runs of Game of Thrones and Suits. All the exotic vacations and endless hours of love making..

..all the nights Finn eased her through the nightmares and the nights of endless crying.

Finn always thought it had something to do with Clarke's Father. Jake Griffin was how everyone identified him, but to Clarke he was so much more than that. He was her entire world. He was much like Clarke, always so kind and looking for the best in people.

Jake died to a tragic battle against lung cancer when Clarke was 12 years old. She had taken it upon herself to become a doctor and help those who suffer from terminal illnesses much like her father did.

She did love her father dearly, yet it was not the cause of her sleepless nights and agitated nature. Clarke knew what it was..or rather who it was.

_**6 years ago** _

_Clarke had only been 26 and in her first year of residencey at the hospital when she met her._

_"Alexandria Woods. Age 25. Multiple lacerations on the right arm, abdomen and leg. She may have a possible rib fracture. I have already ordered an X-Ray and an MRI to catch any signs of internal bleeding in the head." The nurse said as she handed Clarke the file._

_"Thank you Harper, I think I got it from here"_

_The injured girl turned to face her doctor. Clarke locked eyes with her before saying anything else. Even behind all the cuts and bruises, she could tell this girl was beautiful. Dark brown hair that cascaded down to her chest, she had sparkling green eyes that reminded Clarke of a beautiful day in the forest. She had a sharp jaw-line structure that made those swollen plump lips stand out even more. This girl was a goddess._

_"Hi, my name is Doctor Griffin, I am a first year resident and I will be your doctor today." The girl sat there, not a single word. Just gazing into Clarke's eyes. Clarke averted her gaze and blushed "Would you mind telling me what happened to you?” She parted her lips ready to say something but couldn't manage to formulate any words. Clarke looked at her with confusion “I get that it may be a little hard to communicate right now but I'm going to need you to help me out here." She said in a clam voice._

_The girl hesitated for a second “It was a motorcycle accident. I was driving too fast and entered a corner too quickly. The next thing I knew I was sliding onto the road. My bike was about 10 metres away from me." said the girl._

_"I see. Why were you driving so fast?”_

_"I was um..uh I was late for a family dinner" the girl lied._

_Given the attire she was wearing, it was clear she was not headed to a family dinner anytime soon, but Clarke didn't dwell on it too much. "Alright then, you'll be here for a while until I can get all your tests back" she paused. "I'm going to run a few routine tests okay?" The girl nodded._

_Clarke grabbed the stethoscope and placed it around her neck. "Can you lay down for me." she said as the girl obliged. "Now I'm just going to test your heart beat" she said as she gave her a warm smile. She found it oddly comforting._

_Clarke hovered the stethoscope under her shirt to get a better reading. The younger girl flinched as soon at the cold device touched her heated skin. "Sorry about that. Can you please take a deep breath in and a deep breath out" and she did so. "Your heart rate seems to be a little faster than average but I wouldn't worry about too much" she said, giving her a friendly wink accompanied by a smile._

_Of course her heart rate was faster than normal with a beautiful blonde so close to her she can almost feel her breath._

_"I'm going to feel around your abdomen and you need to tell me if you feel any pain. Okay? “The girl blushed at the thought of having the doctor's hands on her body. Clarke slowly lifted up her shirt careful not to inflict any further pain on her patient and pressed her hands softly on the side of her abdomen. The girl shuddered at her touch._

_This was supposed to be purely routine but it felt so good, she did not want her to stop. Clarke's hands trailed lower and lower until they were at the top of her pubic bone. The younger girl could feel the early signs of arousal as she felt herself getting hard. If they weren't under these circumstances she would have ravished her right then and there._

_"All done. From what I can see here you have nothing to worry about Alexandria. We are still going to run a few scans to make sure everything is okay. You're going to need a couple of stitches for these cuts and a lot of bed rest for the next 2-3 weeks."_

_"Lexa" said the girl_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"Call me Lexa" she said with a weak smile._

_Clarke smiled back as she handed her a little card from her pocket "Okay Lexa. This is my work number. If anything goes wrong, please give me a call."_

_"Thank you, I will" she said as she took the card from Clarke's hand. "That is a really pretty watch" she said as her eyes panned over to the silver device on Clarke's wrist._

_"Thank you, it belonged to my father" she said with a soft smile._

**Present Day**

She stood there as the correctional officer patted her down for any weaponry, occasionally taking the opportunity to grope her ass. "You're in my town, bitch" he said as he gave her ass one last firm tug. She mentally gagged.

She wanted to cry. She hated this place and she'd only been here for 20 minutes. The officer handed her the orange prison suit. As she walked away to get changed he stopped her.

“Can I help you?”

"You can't have that with you" he said as he pointed to her watch.

Clarke didn't know what she was thinking bringing it with her today. She took it off and handed it to him.

"What will happen to it?" she asked

"We put in storage until you get out."

She hated herself, she should have just left it at home. This was the only thing she had left of her father. Her eyes began to swell up but she kept it together refusing to show any signs of weakness walking into this hell hole.

The officer led her to her bunk. There, sat two woman about her age who didn't seem too intimidating. "Hi, I'm Clarke Griffin" she said, breaking the awkward tension.

One of the older girls chuckled "Nobody uses their first name in here. All the inmates are identified by their last name." Clarke looked confused. "Look kiddo, it works like this. My name is Raven but people here call me Reyes. This girl is Octavia but everyone calls her Blake.. Do you understand? "

Clarke hesitated "So Reyes and Blake.."

"Yes" they said at the same time.

"From now on your name is Griffin. Just Griffin" "Griffin.. got it" Clarke said, unsure of what to say next.

They sat there in silence until Raven broke the ice. "So what are you in for Griffin, don't tell me you killed someone "

Clarke chuckled "No... haha not quite. I was involved in an international drug cartel."

Both Raven and Octavia gave each other a look then turned to her.

"That sounds a lot like an incident with another inmate here. Maybe you two will get along" Raven said.

"What is her name?" Clarke said, not really caring much.

"Oh, her name is Woo-" Raven was cut off by the intimidating correctional officer standing in the doorway.

"Okay ladies it’s time for room count" the officer said, smirking. "Who might you be?" he said turning to Clarke.

"I'm Cl-Griffin, Sir" she remembered.

The officer walked towards her. He was big. Extremely muscular, with a beard that extended from one side of his jaw to the other. He bent down to her earlobe. "You will address me as officer Gustus next time" he said. "YOU UNDERSTAND INMATE?" he yelled, intending to scare her.

"Y-y..yes" she stuttered, ear drums too blown to hear what she was saying.

It was all too much for Clarke, she wanted to scream and cry. She did not want to be here. As soon as he left she ran to the nearest washroom, disregarding the disapproving looks she got from other inmates. She got to the washroom and tried to calm her breathing. Trying to remember that she only had a year. She didn't even notice the tears streaming down her face. She sank to the floor and buried her head in her knees.

A few minutes later she heard someone walk in but decided to keep her head down.

"Clarke."

That voice. She could never forget that voice. The way the "k" clicked on her tongue. This can't be happening. She is hallucinating.

"Clarke"

The voice got closer as she said it again. No, no, no it can't be her, the woman who ruined her life. She didn't dare to turn and look up. She felt a hand graze her shoulder. "Clarke, it's okay" and with that she turned to face the mystery woman. There she was, in front of her. Lexa Woods.

The number of times she wished she could have seen her just to kill her. She doesn't think she could hate a person so much in her life but now looking at her face to face, Clarke wanted to slap her across the face, she felt like she could claw her eyes out. She continued to stare at Lexa, expressionless.

"Clarke, it's me" Clarke looked at her for 5 more seconds before shooting a big bile of spit across her face.

"You bitch, I hate you!" with that, she jolted forward ready to attack her before she was pulled away by two of the guards who were trying to restrain her and shift her back to her bunk. "I'll kill you!" she yelled before leaving the washroom stall, still trying to fight the tight grip the guards had on her


	2. Her secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's going to take a couple of chapters to get the whole back story through so bare with me guys. This one is pretty graphic

She was making her way to the laundry room when she heard it. The sound of flesh slapping against each other. Clarke crouched down to hide behind one of the machines and tilted her head to get a better look of what was happening.

"Oh Fuck, yes! You feel so good inside me" it was unmistakeably one of the other inmates but with who?

She shifted slightly to the right to get a better view. There was girl bent over on one of the washing machines with her pants pooled around her ankles. She couldn't make out the figure that was pounding into her so she shifted slightly more to the right to get a better view, praying that neither would catch her.

That's when she saw her, the older girl hammering into her from behind with her pants resting mid-thigh. It was Lexa. "Fuck, I need to pull out. I'm gonna come" she heard her ex-lover say, as she pulled out and began to pump herself ferociously. Clarke kept staring at scene in front on her in complete and utter shock. Lexa skimmed her surroundings briefly while pumping her cock until she caught a glimpse of a figure crouching down in the distance, locking eyes with her. Clarke wanted to run, she'd been caught by Lexa. The brunette however held the eye contact until she came, blowing her entire load on the mystery girl's backside. She closed her eyes shut and collapsed on the girl's back. Clarke took this opportunity to run as fast as she could.

She ran back into her bunk, heaving and out of breath.

"What happened to you?" Raven asked

"I uh..just walked in on two people doing it in the laundry room"

"Ooooh, details! Did you see who it was? I bet you it was Officer Murphy and that new inmate"

"Um no, it was two of the inmates"

"Do you know who it was?"

"One of their names is Lexa, I know that. The other I'm not sure"

"Lexa? Who's that?"

Clarke thought for a second then remembered "Woods. Her name is Woods"

"Oh Woods! I guess you discovered her little secret, huh? " she said giving Clarke a wink

"Secret?.. Oh-her um-

"Penis?" Clarke nodded "She's a hybrid, half male half female. Almost every inmate here wants a ride on her extra piece of anatomy honey. Some of these girls have been here for 5 years and will pounce at the first opportunity to score some dick"

"So um... this happens often?" Clarke wasn't sure why she asked. Was she jealous?

"Most days, yes. She hasn't been here for very long...maybe 6 months"

 "Okay" Clarke had already heard what she needed to hear.

"Welcome to Polis" Raven smirked.

_**6 years ago** _

_Her body was pressed flush against hers. She could feel something oddly hard at her centre when Lexa broke the kiss._

_"We need to stop"_

_"Why?" Clarke was breathing heavily_

_"I..I have to go"_

_"Lexa wait talk to me" she said and as grabbed her wrist and pulled her back_

_"Clarke..Look I have to go" she said as she quickly grabbed her stuff and left._

_2 weeks had passed without either of them talking or texting. Until one day Clarke ran into her at the coffee shop._

_"Clarke" Lexa said in acknowledgment when she came face to face with the girl. Clarke stood there, refusing to engage in a conversation. She began to walk away._

_"Clarke! Wait!" she said as she rushed to catch up to her. "Let me explain"_

_"Explain what? How you left me that night, without so much as a text or a call?"_

_"Look, I'm sorry" Clarke turned her head, avoiding eye contact_

_"My apartment is about one block away, please let me explain it to you"_

_"No"_

_"Clarke, please" Clarke felt the persistence in her voice._

_"Fine"_

_Once they got to Lexa's apartment, Clarke made her way to the couch. Lexa was brewing some coffee for the two, given they never got to have any at the cafe. She sat across from her, Clarke was constantly tapping her foot determined to get an answer. “I’m still waiting" she said, breaking the silence._

_"Right." then proceeded "I never intended on getting intimate with you." Clarke scoffed_

_"I was born intersex" she blurted. "They thought I was a boy when I was born, but then as I grew up I began to display more feminine qualities. My facial features and my voice were a hundred percent female. My parents took me to a doctor, and he said that I had XXY chromosomes, meaning I had both female and male organs. That became more apparent when I was 10 and realized that my breasts were quite large in comparison to other boys. Although I had always been confused as a kid, I always felt like a girl. So from that point on I began to live out my life as a female. I was offered re-assignment surgery by my doctors, but I refused to undergo any of them because most of them meant loss of feeling in the sexual organ." Clarke sat there, lips slightly parted, too shocked to say anything._

_"I didn't tell you because it's not something many women take lightly and I really liked you, Clarke" she trailed "I still do.." Clarke had still not said a single word. "Please say something Clarke" Lexa regretted telling her._

_Clarke quickly stood up and grabbed her things "I have to go" she murmured, not daring to make eye contact with Lexa. Lexa didn't fight it as she was expecting this kind of reaction, she could feel the tears streaming down her face as Clarke walked out that door._

_Once she made it back to her apartment, she needed to sit down._

_Lexa is intersex._

_A lot of things made more sense. She just needed time to think. This was all new to her. She liked Lexa a lot, she didn't even care about her appendage. She started to feel bad for leaving her, she wished she had said something instead of just walking out._

_Clarke needed to go back._

_Lexa was taking a nap on her couch when she felt someone knocking on her door. She was surprised to see Clarke standing in the hallway._

_"Do you want to come in?" Clarke had already made her way to the living room. Lexa turned to face her._

_"Lexa" she turned to her with apologetic eyes._

_Before Lexa could say anything, Clarke sank to her knees still looking up at her. She began to fumble with Lexa's belt._

_"Clarke" she warned "What are you-_

_"Ssh" was all she said. Lexa was confused but didn't argue._

_Clarke pulled her pants down and let them rest around her ankles. Lexa was standing in front of her in her tight white boxers. She could see the outline of her member bulging out, she could tell Lexa was big. She hooked her fingers into the waistband of her underwear and slowly pulled them down. Her shaft immediately sprung up, almost hitting Lexa's belly. Lexa let out a sigh of relief as she felt her member being released from its confines. It was already so hard and leaking beads of pre cum. Clarke moaned at the sight, her mouth inches away from the pink head. Lexa shuddered as she felt Clarke's hot breath hovering over her shaft. She gently wrapped her fingers around it and gave it one long stroke from base to tip. Lexa whimpered at the feeling. She gave it a few more strokes, spreading the pre cum evenly on the member._

_Lexa felt herself twitch at the thought of having Clarke's beautiful lips wrapped around her. "C-Clarke, you don't have to" barely able to formulate words. She wanted this, she did but she didn't want Clarke to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. Before she could say anything else, Clarke had already taken her into her warm mouth. The feeling was too overwhelming, Lexa almost passed out. Taking more of her, inch by inch. Lexa was surprised Clarke could fit her all in her mouth without gagging. She didn't think she could get more aroused until she looked down to find Clarke locking eyes with her._

_"Oh my god" she moaned. Her soft whimpers and groans were driving Clarke insane, she began to feel the wetness pooling at her centre and the aching need to touch herself. Lexa was fighting the urge to thrust her hips forward into the girl’s mouth. She could feel herself getting closer to the edge. Clarke continued to bob her head up and down. "Fuck, Clarke I'm going to come" she was trying to pull out of the blondes mouth, but she kept sucking, placing her hands at the back of Lexa's thigh to secure her in place. She tangled her hand in Clarke's hair feeling herself ready to explode._

_"Clarke!" she screamed as her eyes closed shut and her lips parted. She felt herself release her load down the blonde’s throat. Spurt after spurt of come. She was surprised Clarke managed to swallow it all down without spitting. She released the shaft with a small pop and stream of white cum seeping from her lips._

**Present Day**

Clarke was sitting outside leaning against a tree trunk in the shade, reading a random book she found at the prison library.

"Like what you saw princess?" she heard the voice say from behind her. She could almost hear the smugness in her voice, Clarke didn't say anything.

The figure was now standing in front of her

"Leave me alone, Lexa"

"Can't we just talk for 5 minutes?"

"What do you even have to say to me?"

"I miss you" Clarke scoffed as she stood up ready to leave. Lexa grabbed her wrist

"What?"

"5 minutes Clarke, please"

"You have a minute. Speak"

Lexa paused, gathering all her thoughts. “I'm sorry Clarke. You weren't supposed to be here. I never planned on you getting caugh-

"You never planned on me getting caught? You betrayed me! "

"Clar-

"Save it, Lexa"

"Clarke I'm trying to apologize"

"You call that an apology?" she yelled as she walked away.

Lexa watched her walk away. She felt defeated.


	3. Visitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more angst and hints of Lexa's occupation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guys think!

Lexa had no appetite when she walked into the cafeteria. She sat on one of the tables and let out an audibe sigh.

"What's gotten in to you" said Ontari

"She's here"

"She?..Oh no" Lexa nodded and planted her face on the table.

"She hates me" she mumbled

"It wasn't your fault, there wasn't anything you could have done Lexa"

"She blames me for everything, she almost attacked me in the washroom"

"That bad, huh?"

"When I saw her, I-I don't even know how to describe. I felt like I couldn't breathe"

"You still love her" It was more of a statement than a question

"I always will" Lexa said feeling disappointed with herself

"Have you tried apologizing?"

"I did and she walked away"

"Then you try again"

"She's going to keep walking away"

"Then you keep trying or else you're going to lose her for good" She said as she got up and walked away.

"I think I already did" she whispered to herself

_**6 years ago** _

_Ring. Ring_

_"Hello, Doctor Griffin speaking"_

_"Um hi, this is Lexa..uh Alexandria from the other day at the hospital"_

_"Oh yes. Hello Lexa, are you alright? Is everything okay? Did one of your stiches rip?" Lexa chuckled, sensing the worry in the blonde’s voice._

_"No, no I'm fine. I know this is your work phone number but I wanted to ask if you were maybe free to have dinner with me Saturday night"_

_"Does 7:00 work for you? That's the earliest I can get off"_

_"7:00 is perfect, I'll pick you up then" Lexa said, barely able to contain her excitement._

_**Saturday** _

_She knocked on the door patiently waiting for Clarke to come out._

_"Hey Lexa" Clarke was wearing a tight black dress that captured her curves perfectly, the straps were cris-crossed along each shoulder exposing a dangerous amount of cleavage. She left her hair curly and loose and wore an elegant, yet sexy pair of black pumps. Lexa felt her mouth go dry at the sight._

_"You look beautiful, Clarke" She could never get bored of the way Lexa said her name._

_It was about a half over drive to the restaurant. Lexa kindly escorted Clarke out of the car. "Reservation for Woods"_

_"Table for two?"_

_"Yes"_

_It was a beautiful restaurant. Their table was in a private room with an enormous glass window, overlooking the entire city. This was the kind of restaurant millionaire playboys brought their dates to impress them._

_From the Mercedes Benz to this choice of restaurant, Clarke knew Lexa had money. She did wonder however how someone so young could attain so much money. Maybe her parents still provided for her._

_She took a seat from across Lexa. "This is beautiful, thank you Lexa" she smiled in return._

_Things were kicking off to a good start. They had been talking for hours, they hadn't even realized the time passing. The conversation flowed naturally, as if they were two best friends that hadn't seen each other in years._

_"So what do you do?"_

_Lexa hesitated, trying to come up with the best lie. "I um work in real estate"_

_She had only known the girl for 3 hours and she already hated lying to her._

_"I see"_

_The topic was cut short when Lexa heard her phone ring._

_Incoming Call. "Titus"_

_"Excuse me for a second, I need to take this" Lexa said as she walked outside to take her call._

_"What is it, Titus?"_

_"I need you to deliver"_

_"Right now?"_

_"Yes"_

_"I'm busy right now. I don't even have my things prepared.."_

_"There is a private plane waiting for you at the port. I have already prepared the package and had Indra pick up some of your clothes."_

_She knew she couldn't say no to Titus. No one could say no to Titus._

_"To where?"_

_"France. I have some clients up there. All their numbers are saved on your new burner phone which was aso sent with Indra. You have an hour to get there"_

_Before she could say anything else, he shut the phone._

_"Fuck"_

_She came back into the restaurant "Clarke I'm so sorry, it's work. I need to leave."_

_"It's 9:00 pm"_

_"One of my client’s needs to sign some important documents before they travel. I'm very sorry" She could see the sadness on Clarke's face._

_"I'll call you a cab okay?" Clarke nodded and got up to grab her coat._

_"Clarke, wait" she grabbed her wrist and pulled her back in. Before Clarke could say anything she felt soft lips crash onto hers. She let out a soft moan and placed her hand on the back of Lexa's neck, pulling her closer into the kiss. It wasn't long before their tongues were seeking dominance in each other's mouths. Lexa's hands descended from Clarke's waist to grab her ass. Clarke groaned and backed Lexa onto the wall, the kiss become more aggressive._

_It was Lexa who pulled away trying to catch her breath "I've wanted to do that all night" Clarke smiled and gave her a soft peck on the lips_

_"Thank you for tonight" she said as she walked away._

_"Goodnight Clarke" she let out a sigh of happiness as she watched her walk away._

**Present Day**

She saw her folding clothes in the laundry room. She contemplated whether she should say something or not. Clarke turned to face her.

"What? Did you come here to fuck another inmate?"

"I-

"Don't worry I'm leaving right now anyway" she turned to walk away

_Keep trying_

"I'm sorry okay" Clarke stopped walking

"I'm sorry that I got you into this. I'm sorry that I betrayed you. I'm sorry that you don't get to live the life you want. I'm sorry that you're here and not with the people you love. I'm sorry that I hurt you Clarke."

Lexa was now behind her. When Clarke turned to face her she found Lexa kneeling on the ground "You may never forgive me Clarke but I'm going to keep trying until you do."

"You're going to wait a long time" she said betraying no emotion.

"It takes as long as it takes. I- I love you Clarke"

Clarke stared at her for a long time. She didn't know what to say to her. She loves Lex- no she loves Finn.

"And I don't anymore" and with that she walked away, leaving Lexa still kneeling on the ground, alone.

Lexa found it hard swallow. She felt hot tears streaming down her face. She couldn't remember the last time she cried. Only Clarke Griffin had that kind of power over her.

One of Lexa's usuals had just walked into the laundry room.

Lexa felt weak and tense and needed relief right now. "You" she pointed to the girl. "Come here." The girl knew what she wanted and did not object. "Turn around"

**Next day**

Clarke was feeling happy. It was visitation day and she gets to see Finn.

"Finn!" she ran to give him a hug

"Clarke, Oh my God I was so worried" he said as he grabbed her for a warm embrace.

"No touching!" yelled one of the officers

"How are you Clarke? I miss you so much"

"I miss you too, Finn"

"How's the prison life?" He chuckled

She missed his laugh. "What can I say, I really hate it here"

"One year baby, then you're out" Clarke liked the sound of that."Has anyone tried to hurt you?"

"No, no I'm fine" she gave a weak smile

They talked for around 10 minutes trying to catch up with everything. She saw Lexa walk in to the visitation room and sat across the room from her. Indra was visiting, of course it was Indra. She tried her best to avoid Lexa’s piercing stare. Instead, she focusing on Finn and what he was saying. She purposely placed her hand on his to see if she could trigger a reaction from Lexa.

Nothing.

So she took it further and leaned across the table to give him a kiss. "I love you Finn."

Their innocent kiss had quickly escalated to heated make out session until one of the correctional officers broke them apart. She gave Finn one last hug and glanced over to an angry Lexa in her chair. She gave him one quick peck then walked away.

She made her way back to her bunk, she saw Lexa approaching.

"I didn't know you were seeing someone"

"Why would you? You have no business in my life anymore"

"How long?"

"Two years"

"I see" she said quietly

"I love him, Lexa" Lexa felt her heart sink but pretended like it didn't bother her.

"He seems like he cares for you" she barely croaked

"He does" Clarke said with a slight smile

"Then I'd rather him, than anyone else" she smiled

Clarke was a little shocked by Lexa's words, she opened her mouth to say something.

"I'll see you around Clarke" she said as she walked away, wiping the tear that escaped her eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos. You guys are the best.


	4. The System

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every prison has its own system

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I am super anxious about this chapter. I think it is really important and hope you all like it. I tried my best to incorporate ideas from the 100 into this AU. Please let me know what you guys think!

Clarke walked over to one of the tables in the cafeteria when she felt herself being being pulled to the side

"Slow down there Griffin" Raven said to her

"What?"

"You can't sit there"

"Why not"

"That's Trikru table "

"Trikru? Is that some kind of cult I'm unaware of? "

"Oh boy..sit down. Theres a lot you still don't know about how things work around here"

"This prison has two main floors, the basement and the top floor. Some prisoners were allocated placement on the top floor and some were allocated placement on the basement. About 5 years ago conflict rose between the two. Top floor prisoners were given access to all the amenities on their floor. So the library, the indoor track, the TV room. This rule was put in place to avoid over crowding. The basement prisoners got nothing. Their only luxury was going outside."

"But that's not fair"

"It's prison, nothing's fair"

"In the past, they would only place the blacks and and the mexicans, or anyone the corporation did not think was worthy of such luxuries" she continued "So they all rebelled"

"They began chanting outside the wardens office, destroying prison equipment, going on hunger strikes, attacking officers and other prisoners." she trailed on "Eventually they got what wanted. All the amentities were split between both sets of prisoners. For example we get the library from 9:00am to 3:00 pm and they get it from 3:00 to closing. The same applied to the salon, the TV room and the indoor track."

"Why the name then?"

"Trikru is Trigedasleng for "people of the ground" They gave themselves that name since they were on the lower level"

"Trigedasleng? You lost me again" said Clarke

"It is the native tongue of the man who founded this place. Gerard Polis."

"We are on the upper level, what does that mean?"

"We are Skaikru, which is Trigedasleng for "people of the sky". We were given this name because technically we are physically higher than they are."

"I still don't get why I can't sit on any table"

"The aftermath of the riots made Trikru stronger. They moved in packs and took care of one another. Trikru did not associate with Skaikru, in fact they hated each other, they still sort of do."

"The right side of the cafeteria belongs to them. The nice showers also belong to them. They also took over the only washroom facility with functional doors on the stalls"

"No one is to mess with the system, unless you want a war on your hands"

"The prison executives know of this?" Clarke asked

"Yes"

This was all too much for Clarke to take in at once. Who knew prison would be so segregated?

Lexa walked in and sat at one of the "Trikru" tables. Clarke was staring at her.

"Woods..Is she Trikru?" she asked

"Are you kidding? She practically runs Trikru"

"How come?"

"The previous leader before her, was this older woman called Nia. She was awful. She treated her people like slaves. If anyone objected to her orders she would have groups beat them up. She hated Woods the most. Something about her always ticked Nia off. Woods was the only one that didn't stand for it. She took hundreds of beatings from Nia's people"

"That sounds rough"

"People admired it, a lot were on Woods' side. Even Nia's own people eventually turned on her. Woods became the new leader of Trikru"

"What happened to Nia?"

"No one knows, some say she got moved to another facility. Others say she got sick and had to be transferred to a better equipt institution. I'm not really sure"

Lexa was practically famous in this prison. It made Clarke's blood boil even more. She couldn't stand watching people treat her like she was some kind of Prophet. She threw out her food and stormed out.

**_5 years ago_ **

_"Fuck Clarke, you're so tight" she was thrusting into her at a brutal pace, almost as though she was punishing her._

_"I'm so close Lex- oh my god!" she yelled as Lexa was hitting just the right spot, repeatedly._

_A few more rough thrusts and Lexa was seeing stars behind her eyes as she came inside Clarke. Clarke's release followed shortly after. She gave her a few more purposeful thrusts as she emptied herself inside the older girl. "Mine"_

_"Yours" Clarke moaned as she came down from her high._

_Lexa pulled out and rested beside Clarke, chest still heaving._

_"Clarke can you please get my water bottle from my bag, I'm way too tired"_ _Lexa said breathlessly_

 _"I'm so sore Lexa"_ _Lexa smirked, taking it as a compliment_

_"Please" she said giving her a pouty look._

_"You're so lazy" she said as she got out of bed to get Lexa her damn water._

_She reached inside her bag to look for the bottle of water but accidentally pulled out a huge transparent pouch of what Clarke could only assume was cocaine._

_"Did you find it?" she asked Clarke_

_"What the hell is this Lexa?" she said as she lifted the pouch to Lexa's eye level_

_Her eyes widened as she scrambled out of the sheets to snag the pouch out of Clarke's hand. "Give me that!"_

_"What is this?" refusing to give Lexa back the load of substance._

_"You don't understand" still trying to grab the pouch from Clarke's grip_

_"Then explain it Lexa.. Is this for you?"_

_"No, I mean yes..it belongs to me but I don't-I don't snort it. I would never Clarke"_

_"So what you deal it?" she said giving a humourless laugh_

_"Yes" Lexa said sternly_

_Clarke was only joking, she did not expect that answer._

_She handed Lexa back the pouch and went to sit on the bed. Lexa followed and sat next her, mindful to give the girl some space._

_"I don't work in real estate. This..this is what I do for a living. I- I should have told you earlier. I'm sorry Clarke"_

_"You're a drug dealer.." it was a statement_

_"I drug deal on an international scale, I work for a larger company that provides me with client intel and means of transportation"_

_"That's why you're always travelling on business.."_

_"Clarke" she took Clarke's hands in hers "I'm sorry that you had to find out like this. I understand that you may want to end this, but Clarke please" she kissed her knuckles "find it in your heart to give me another chance"_

_"Lexa, I care about you,I do. But I need some time to think" she said as she pulled her hands away_

_"I understand"_


	5. Washroom Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more past, a lot more present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are amazing! I'm trying to update as frequently as I can. Please let me know what you guys think!

**_5 years ago_ **

_They were both laying next to each other, Clarke was deep in thought._

_"I can hear you thinking" she said as she nuzzled her face in Clarke's neck_

_"I just have a lot on my mind" Clarke sighed._

_"What's wrong baby?" Lexa sat up_

_"I've been trying to figure out how I'm going to pay back my student loan for med school"_

_"Aren't you a doctor?" asked Lexa_

_"Yes but I'm still a first year resident, it barely makes enough to cover my living costs. It's not enough to cover my loan"_

_"What about your mom? Can she help?"_

_"No that is not an option. My mom will force me to move back in with her" Lexa knew how crazy Abby could be, she wasn't surprised._

_"Then let me lend you the money" she offered_

_"No I could never ask that of you"_

_"You're not asking. I want to lend you the money Clarke"_

_"No I can't accept that"_

_Lexa thought for a minute. Then an idea struck her mind_

_"Work with me" she blurted_

_"What?"_

_"Become my business partner"_

_"You want me to deal drugs?"_

_"Look I know it sounds crazy, but you can travel with me wherever I go and Titus said he was in need of extra help"_

_"I don't know Lexa.."_

_"I hate being away from you Clarke and this way I can stay close to you. You don't have to stay, just make enough deliveries to pay off your loan. Then you can go back to your regular life"_

_Clarke couldn't believe she was actually considering it. She could use the extra cash, she thought_

_"Okay"_

_"Okay?"_

_"I'll do it" She wasn't really sure what she was getting herself into._

**Present Day**

"Hi, I'm Clarke a Griffin. You requested to see me?" She said darting her head into the entrance of the office

"Ah yes Clarke, please have a seat. My name is Marcus Kane, I will be youprison councillor for the remainder of your sentence" Clarke made her way to one of the seats

"How are you holding up?"

"It's been a rough couple of days but I'm adjusting"

"That's good! I asked you here to talk about job assignment. I see you still haven't been assigned a job here at Polis?"

"Um no I don't think so"

"Ah that's fine. You will be doing washroom/shower cleanup, for the basement level of the prison"

Basement level? Trikru. Lexa. Oh no

"Isn't there anything on my floor?"

"No, nothing available. They have all already been filled by other new inmates"

Shit.

"Your shift starts today. You'd can ask one of the correctional officers to escort you downstairs if you'd like"

"I think I got it" she said in a dry tone

"Very well then, best of luck Clarke. If you have anything you would ever like to talk about please come see me" he said, shooting Clarke a genuine smile

"Thank you" she nodded as she got up and left the office.

She made her way down to the bottom floor.

If she thought her floor was bad, she had clearly never been here before. This place smelt like dead people. The walls were run down and had traces of washed out Grafitti. All the bunks were open concept as she could see the number of face staring her down. She could hear little murmurs of "what is she doing here?", "look it's a skaigirl", "this is not your place white girl".

She felt extremely uncomfortable in this environment and contemplated running back upstairs. This place was like a whole different prison . All the girls were big, bulky and muscular. Most of them had similar tribal tattoos and scars stretching from their necks along their torsos. No wonder the prisoners were separated.

She was a little bit surprised to not have seen Lexa yet.

She had been scrubbing toilets for an hour.

"I'm glad to see you so you so involved in the community Clarke" she said with a chuckle  
  
"Go away, Lexa" she said dryly

"Do you ever say anything besides leave me alone Lexa, go way Lexa, I hate you Lexa?"

Clarke kept scrubbing toilets, choosing to ignore her question.

"I'm must say janitorial does look good on you" she said, flashing her wink.

"I'm done here" she said as she got up to walk away.

Lexa was tired of being treated by garbage, she figured that if Clarke really hated her, she was at least going to have some fun with it.

"Clarke" The blonde turned

Lexa purposely rubbed her dirty shoes across the floor of the washroom "I think you missed a spot" she was having way too much fun with this.

Clarke was angry, but she decided to stay calm.

"What? Are you not gonna clean it Skai girl?"

Clarke threw the sponge at Lexa " You can clean it yourself" she said mimicking Lexa's wink as she walked away.

 

The next day Clarke had shower room cleanup.

"Fancy running into you again Clarke"

"Stop following me" Clarke said refusing to face her

"Following you?" she laughed "This is my turf Clarke"

"You know what Lexa" She turned to find a very naked Lexa standing across from her.

Clarke was now staring at the perfectly sculpted being in front of her. Lexa had really shaped up since they broke up. Everything from Lexa's toned abs to the V that ran across her navel all the way down to her. Oh my- did she get bigger? Clarke felt her mouth go dry.

"You were saying Clarke.." Lexa said with a huge smirk plastered on her face.

"Nothing" she mumbled as she resumed scrubbing walls.

Clarke was thankful that Lexa stepped into one of the showers, because she couldn't help looking at the naked figure any longer.

10 minutes had passed and Lexa was still taking a shower. Clarke was mopping the floor of the shower room. She heard the water in Lexa's booth turn off and she cursed to herself.

She felt Lexa's footsteps from behind her. She could tell she was approaching her from behind and prayed to God that she was wrapped in a towel.

Clarke audibly gasped when she felt Lexa's entire body press on her back. She was definately not wearing any clothes. More importantly she could feel Lexa's hard erection pressing against her ass.

"Do you see what you do to me Clarke" she said as she slowly grinded against her backside.

Clarke should have stopped it, but she couldn't find the power. It felt too good and it had been so long so she had such intimate human contact.

She began to think of Finn and what he would think of this. She thought about how hurt he would be. She shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be cleaning washrooms for 10 cents an hour. She studied in med school for God's sake.

Then it all came back to her. Lexa. She's the reason Clarke is here. She's the reason she lost her medical licence.

Before she knew it, tears started streaming down her face. She suddenly began to feel suffocated and was no longer enjoying Lexa's little hump session. She quickly turned around and slapped Lexa right across the face.

Lexa's cheek was brurning, she placed her hand over her face in shock. Clarke was still in front of her, her face was red and she was crying. Lexa could see the hurt in her eyes.

"Clarke I'm sorry, I thought-

"Fuck you Lexa!" she yelled. "Why couldn't you just leave me alone" She was still crying.

This was the first time Lexa had seen Clarke so vulnerable since she got to the prison. She hated seeing her like this. Why couldn't she control her impulses? Why couldn't she just leave the girl alone?

"You left me Lexa..you left me when I needed you the most...You didn't even care" she sobbed as she began to lightly punch Lexa's chest.

"Of course I cared, I loved yo-

"But you loved drug dealing more"

"I can't change the past Clarke"

"You're right, you can't. So please Lexa, please leave me alone. Let me fulfill my sentence in peace. You owe me that much"

"Okay" she wanted to say no, but she couldn't. She wanted to give Clarke the whole world and Clarke wanted nothing to do with her.

This was the only thing she could give her right now so she did not fight it.

 

 

 

 


	6. Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment you've all been waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted two consecutive chapters in the span of an hour, so please be sure to check out both! I hope you like this one guys. Let me knew what you think!

**_4 years ago_ **

**_Italy, Rome_ **

_They were in their hotel room packing to go back home._

_Clarke had managed to pay off her student loan months ago but continued to part take in the drug dealing business with Lexa. They had officially become partners_

_They travelled to all these beautiful countries. Clarke had always been fasinated by all the different cultures. Sometimes when Lexa was out doing business, Clarke would take the opportunity to roam different cities, explore different lifestyles, different music and different forms of entertainment._

_She would often drag Lexa to a bunch of different art museums. Clarke had always been in love with art. She found that each country had its own way of expressing it. Sometimes she would sketch all the different cities she had visited and other times she would sketch naked candid poses of Lexa sleeping._

_The arrangement worked out perfectly. Clarke was fluent in both French and Spanish, so she would often translate on behalf of the client whenever they were running a transaction._

_Eventually Clarke resigned from the hospital and continued to collaborate with Lexa in the international drug business. She could always resume her career in medicine whenever she wanted to, for now she wanted to take a break._

_Things had been going great for Clarke and Lexa until one day Titus called Lexa in for a meeting._

_"Please sit down Lexa" Titus said in a stern voice_

_"What is this about?"_

_"I've been recieving dozens of complaints from your clients recently."_

_"What kind of complaints?"_

_"Some of your clients have said that they had received substances that they didn't ask for, others said that they had not received the correct amount of product that was requested. I've been getting all sorts of comments on how you've been arriving too late to the drop off destination, keeping clients waiting for hours when they are in a hurry..."_

_"Lexa, you used to be one of my best. How could you let this happen? "_

_"I'm sorry, I've been distracted lately" she said looking down_

_"I know and that's why I called you down here. It's that girl of yours"_

_"Clarke has nothing to do with this" Lexa interjected_

_"Ever since you two have been working together, you've been 'distracted'... I want you to stop seeing her"_

_"And if I say no?"_

_"Lexa, dear I have multiple ways of terminating people I don't want" Lexa gulped as he put emphasis on the word 'terminating'_

_"What if we both quit?"_

_"Then you quit, but I would advise you to think over that Lexa. You have no other job experiences, you've been doing this since you graduated and you're good at it. It's the only thing you're good at"_

_"Titus I can't leave her"_

_"Lexa, I need you on my team. You are one of my best employees...If you stay I'll double your earnings"_  
  
Lexa didn't say anything

_"Think about it" Titus smiled_

_She couldn't imagine hurting Clarke. She was the love of her life, but she also didn't know how she was going to survive without a job. Titus had been there for her when no else was. He took care of her, gave her a place to stay, offered her a job. He was sort of like the father she never had and she couldn't imagine letting him down either._

_Although Lexa had a lot to think about, she already knew what needed to be done._

_She went to go visit Clarke and found her girlfriend sobbing in the corner of the living room_

_"Clarke what's wrong?" she said as she ran to comfort her girlfriend_

_"M-my mom she's.. she's sick" she tried to formulate the words. "She was diagnosed with early stages of breast cancer..I- I - I can't lose another parent to cancer, I just can't!" she continued sobbing_

_"Sshh, Clarke its okay. You won't. Everything will be okay. " she said as held her girlfriend tightly._

_They stayed like that until Clarke's nerves had calmed down._

_"What do you say me and you go on a small vacation to the Bahamas. No business. No drugs. Just me and you, to clear your mind of things"_

_"Really?" she sniffled_

_"Yea" Lexa smiled_

_*_

_They were supposed to meet at the airport at 10:00 pm. Their flight was at 12:00 am. It was already 11:30 and there was no sign of Lexa. Clarke called her 8 times and it would keep going straight to voicemail._

_"Where is she?" she said to herself. She decided to leave Lexa a voicemail._

_*_

_"You made the right choice Lexa" Titus said sitting across from her on the private plane._

_Lexa hated herself, but she couldn't bare to break the news to Clarke in person. This way she didn't have to watch the girl she loved get heart broken._

_When they landed, she found 10 missed calls from Clarke and one voicemail. She decided to play the voicemail._

_"Hey Lexa, it's already 11:30, where are you? I'm probably just freaking out as always. I know you always end up pulling through. I'm bored over here and I really miss you Lex. Thank you so much for this. I hope you get here soon.. I love you"_

_Lexa couldn't help but cry. That would be the last time she heard Clarke Girffin's voice._

_She saved the voicemail, but blocked Clarke's number, blocked her on all forms of social media and deleted every last text message, email and photo of her._

**Present Day**

She saw Clarke in the cafeteria and decided it was best not to go in. The blonde told her to leave her alone and that's exactly what she was going to do. She avoided the washroom and the shower room whenever Clarke was working her shift. She avoided crossing paths with her in the hall and often had some of her people be on the look out to make are she avoided Clarke on all accounts.

Lexa had been spending a lot of time in her bunk, avoiding most people.

"Heda are you alright?" asked Ontari

"Yes, I'm fine" she lied

"Is it the skaigirl?" Ontari asked boldly

Lexa didn't answer the question.

"Have you told her how you feel about her"

"Yes Ontari " she sighed, not really in the mood to talk.

"Your words are empty commander" Lexa shot her a look

"There is more than one way to express affection"

"She told me to leave her alone" Lexa sighed

"Then you leave her alone, respect her wishes. She has only been here for 2 weeks, everything is so overwhelming for her. You need to give her time"

Lexa turned back to face the wall. Ontari took this as a sign to leave.

_Keep trying_ , she remembered

Right now trying meant not trying at all.


	7. Influenza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little break from the angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of the incidents may seem repetitive. I dont want to dive straight into forgiveness just yet. The two still have a long journey ahead of them. Let me know what you guys think!

She felt it before she knew it was coming. The aching headache, the congested nose, the burning throat. She was coming down with a bad cold. She must have caught it from one of the other inmates. Guess flu season arrived early in prison.

Both Raven and Octavia had been sneezing all day, piling up towers of tissues in their room. It was inevitable that Clarke would eventually get sick. She had spoken to Counseler Kane earlier about being excused from her clean up shift in the basement.

She could barely muster up enough energy to get out of bed to go to the cafeteria. She didn't have much of an appetite anyway.

She was twisting and turning in her bed and sweating everywhere. She felt her whole body get overbaringly hot. She probably had it the worst of the three of them.

"Looks like you have a fever Griffin" Raven said feeling around her forehead. "You might have a throat infection, you're going to need antibiotics"

"No..no antibiotics" Clarke knew what this was, she was a doctor after all. It was a viral infection meaning it carries the same symptoms as a throat infection but it must not be treated with antibiotics. The only way to cure a viral infection is to let the symptoms play out in order for the bacteria to leave her system.

"I need a pain killer" she managed to say.

"That's a tough one Griffin, commissary is already closed. I could ask around but there's no way any of the inmates are willing to give up their own medication"

Clarke groaned. This was going to be a long day.

*

Lexa had been giving Clarke her space. She did notice however, that the blonde had not made her way down for her shift today. She knew how hard it was to be excused from a work shift, it must've have been something serious.

Lexa couldn't shake the uneasy feeling her gut that something was wrong. She heard that there was a flu going around and wondered if that was reason Clarke did not show up to her shift.

She knew she had no right to check up on the blonde but she couldn't help it. She made her way to the top floor and passed the dirty looks she got from other inmates.

She found Raven coming out of Clarke's room.

"Reyes!" she yelled

"What do you want Woods?"

"I came to check up on someone"

"Who?" Raven looked at her curiosly

"Griffin" she said qiuetly

"You two know each other?" This felt like an interogation

"She's an old friend.."

"Well she's really sick she has some kind of viral infection" she said and began to walk away.

"Wait!" Lexa exclaimed "I need to ask you for favour"

"The almighty Heda needs my help?" she said sarcastically

"Please Reyes"

"What is it?" she said crossing her arms

"I need you to report back to me on her condition every hour"

"I'm not your minion, besides you're good friends with her. Do it yourself"

"No! uh- um we don't really talk anymore"

"I'll do it...under one condition" Raven smirked

"What?"

"Skaikru gets gets an extra 2 hours in the TV room."

"An hour" Lexa offered

"2 hours" Raven debated

"An hour and a half" Lexa bargained

"2 hours or you can check up her yourself..oh and I'll let her know you stopped by" she smirked  
  
"Fine. Deal. 2 hours" She was going to get so much shit from Ontari.

"What can you tell me about her now?"

"She has a fever. She's refusing to go down to the cafeteria and she's in need of some pain killers"

"Okay thank you"

Raven had reported to her a total of 6 times. Clarke's condition wasn't getting any better.

Her Clarke was in pain. She wanted to help, but she didn't want to make things worse.

*

Clarke had been trying to fall asleep for the past five hours. Everything was hurting.

"Clarke"

Even while she was sick, she would recognize that voice anywhere.

Lexa was standing in the doorway holding a giant box in front of her.

"Not today, Lexa" she groaned

"I know I said I'd leave you alone, but I heard you had the flu"

"Word travels fast I see" she said as she looked away from Lexa

"You can hate me Clarke, but right now I want to help you"

"I don't need your help"

"I'm not leaving" Lexa argued 

"Fine, then I'll leave" she tried getting up but instantly felt dizzy and collapsed back down onto her pillow

"That's what I thought" Lexa sat beside her on the bed."Let me help you, then you never have to hear from me again"

"How are you going to help?" asked Clarke

Lexa placed the box on the floor infront of her and pulled out a plastic container with a spoon.

"What is this?"

"It's soup, I had our main chef make it for you since I figured you weren't going down to the cafeteria anytime soon"

"I thought we weren't allowed to bring food back into the room" said Clarke

"We're not, but I managed to pull a few strings" she gave her a warm smile. "You need to eat something Clarke. Drink it, it'll make you feel better" Clarke did not object opening the container of soup.

"How did you know I was sick?"

"You never showed up to your shift and I heard there's been s flu going around"

"So you've been stalking me?"

"What? No- I just um-

"Lexa, relax it was a joke" she said letting out a soft giggle.

Lexa missed her smile. Even through the stuffed nose and droopy eyes, Clarke still looked radiating. She couldn't help but smile back. She knew Clarke was probably going to hate her again in the morning but she didn't care, this was worth it.

Once Clarke was done with the soup. Lexa took out a small piece of cloth and drowned it in cold water. "Lay down" Clarke obliged.

She folded the damp cloth and placed it on Clarke's forehead. "This will help reduce your fever" Clarke nodded, she was already starting to feel better.

The last thing she pulled out of the box was two packets of pain killers. One was to reduce her headache and the other was to help her fall asleep.

"How did you get this?" Clarke said surprised

"I had some lying around from before, I don't use it that often and right now you need it more than I do" she placed in on the small side table beside her bunker.

"Thank you, Lexa" Lexa turned to her and smiled .

"I should go now" she said as she got up ready to leave"

"You c-can stay" Clarke said in a low voice

Lexa was a little shocked. She turned and looked at her with a blank expression.

"I mean if you want, you don't have to"

"I would like that" she said as she resumed her position on Clarke's bed

They didn't say anything to each other. Lexa leaned slightly on her side next to Clarke and swiped the hair of her face. She was beginning to fall asleep, Lexa began to play with her hair. She remembered that Clarke would always fall asleep whenever she fumbled with her hair.

When Clarke was sound asleep, Lexa removed the wet cloth from her head and placed it on the side. She palced gentle kiss on the forehead careful not to wake her up and left the room.

*

"How is she doing today?" Lexa asked

"Much better" Raven said

"I need you to give her some things"

"Uh uh, no. Our agreement was that I only had to report to you. I'm not lodging things up and down for you Woods"

Lexa groaned. "What do you want, Reyes? I'll make it happen"

"That's cute but I had a little something different in mind" She said as she walked closer to Lexa

"What do you wa-

She was cut off when Raven suddenly slipped her hand down her pants cupping her member.

She brought her lips to Lexa earlobe. "What I want.." she whispered giving Lexa a long stroke "..is for you to take me somewhere private"

Raven was very attractive and Lexa was painfully aroused. Who could it hurt?

*

Clarke wanted to thank Lexa for yesterday so she made her way down to the basement to start her shift. She couldn't see any sign of Lexa downstairs. So she asked one of the inmates.

"I think I saw her go into the shower room earlier"

"Thank you" Clarke made her way to the shower room.

Clarke stood dead in her tracks when she heard the sound of quiet moaning. She walked further into the shower room, curious to know what was happening.

She was greeted by the sight of Raven, pressed up against a wall with her thighs wrapped around Lexa waist. Clothes were discarded on the floor and both were completely naked. She could see Lexa roughly thrusting into Raven's center, letting out soft groans of pleasure.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me" she said loudly

Both girls shot their heads towards Clarke. "Shit Clarke" Raven said as she watched the girl storm out of the room.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck this is not happening" Lexa quickly pulled out of Raven, cock still hard and glistening from Raven's juices. She put on her clothes as fast as she could.

"Shes more than a firend, isn't she?" Raven said calmly, unaffected by the whole situation.

Lexa didn't answer her question as she ran after Clarke.

Clarke was standing outside on the field by herself.

"I'm sorry you had to see that" Lexa said behind her

"You don't have to be sorry, you can sleep with whoever you want..I just thought- I don't know.. I guess it took me by surprise" Clarke mumbled

"No I shouldn't have, I wasn't thinking straight" Lexa said

"I said it was fine" Clarke said firmly

"I don't want you to hate me more than you already do" she said, looking down

"That's the problem Lexa. I don't even think I hate you"

 

 


	8. Abandonment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another light chapter for today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will keep trying to update as frequently as possible. I hope you are all liking the story so far. Let me know your thoughts!  
> p.s the chapters will get longer along the way

**_3 years ago_ **

_"It's good to see you back Doctor Griffin"_

_"It's good to be back" Clarke smiled "Give me an overview of the patient"_

_"Female. Age 27. She came in_ complaining _about chest pains. We have already sampled some of her blood and ran them up to the Lab. She's in bed four"_

_Clarke shifted her eyes to the female sitting in bed four. She felt her heart rate increase when she saw the woman with her back to Clarke. She had long brown locks the extended down to her lower back, tanned skin tone , rigid physique. She looked just like Lexa. Could it be? She felt her hands shaking as she approached the patient._

_The woman turned around to face Clarke._

_She wasn't sure if she was relieved or upset that it wasn't Lexa. Her chest started to feel heavy, she was still trying to control her breathing._

_"Doctor Griffin are you okay?" Harper asked_

_"I'm sorry, can you take care of this? I need a minute" Clarke said_

_She stepped outside to get some fresh air._

_It had been almost a year since the incident at the airport. Month after month, it tore her apart. She began losing weight, she would stay at home most of the time and fell out of touch with a lot of her close friends. Most nights she would spend alone, either watching a movie or drinking. Other nights she would spend hours taking care of her mother, driving her to kemo therapy sessions and assisting her in her daily activities._

_A month ago she had received a call from her Abby's Doctor saying that she was now cancer free. It was the only good thing that had happened all year and Clarke figured that it was about time to start fresh._

_That day, she went back to her apartment and cleared out all the junk, the garbage and the empty bottles of vodka. She threw out all of Lexa's clothing and things that she had gifted her, she collected all the photographs and sketches she had made of Lexa and chucked them in the fireplace. This was her fresh start._

_A week ago she had given notice to the hospital of her return. Now she was here and she was ready to move on with her life._

_"Hey, are you okay?" she snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Harper_

_"Yea I just needed to clear my mind" she smiled_

_"I get it, it's your first day back. It must be tough"_

**Present Day**

"Clarke I'm so sorry, I didn't know you two had history" Raven said

"It's okay, it doesn't bother me"

"Are you sure? You didn't seem okay before.."

"Well it's not everyday you walk into your roommate and ex-girlfriend fucking in a prison shower room" Clarke said as soon she continued reading the book in her hands.

Raven didn't say anything after that, knowing the blonde had a point.

*

Clarke had been standing behind Lexa in the line up for the phone. The two hadn't said anything to one another since the shower incident. Clarke wasn't sure why she was avoiding Lexa, she just didn't feel like talking to her.

Once it was her turn, Clarke dialed Finn's number.

"Clarke!" she heard his voice , so loving, so happy.

"Hey Finn" she smiled to herself

"How are you holding up babygirl?" he asked

"I've been doing better" she said

"That's great. I can't wait to see you"

"Me too"

"God, I miss you so much Clarke" she felt the sadness in his voice

"I miss you too" she said softly.

Lexa was on the phone next to hers. She could see Lexa staring at her from her peripheral vision. She wondered if Lexa was listening in on her conversation. Clarke formed a devilish grin as an idea struck her mind.

"Tell me what you miss about me" she said in a quiet voice

"I miss your smile, I miss your beautiful eyes, your hair. " she loved when Finn got cute, but that was not the answer she was looking for. She needed to try something else.

"Do you remember that night we went to dinner at your parents house, it was so boring and I was feeling so so.." her voice became lower and raspier. She could hear Finn gulp on the other end of the line and she could see Lexa's hand grip tighter on the phone handle.

Jackpot.

"Yea I remember" he cut her off, almost stuttering. This wasn't about Finn.

"Mmhm" her voice lingering

"How could I forget when you kept touching me under the table?" he choked out

"You had your way with me in the washroom of your parents house" she said as she bit her lip

Lexa was struggling to keep it together. Clarke noticed her clenching her jaw, she was still looking at her.

"I miss your big friend" she said, getting bolder with her words

"Clarke you're driving me crazy" he husked over the phone.

"I miss tasting you" she said, her breathing getting heavier

"I miss fucking you" she breathed out. Clarke knew she was crossing the line.

She didn't even notice how angry Lexa was. Her grip on the phone handle was so tight that she almost broke it.

Her time on the phone was running out, Clarke wanted to make use of the last couple of seconds she had 

"I love you Clarke" he said

"I don't think I've ever loved anyone as much as I love you Finn" she knew it was a lie, but with Lexa listening in on her, she couldn't help it.

Lexa slammed the phone back onto the machine and stormed off.

She wanted to hurt her but now that she had , she didn't feel too good about it.

*

Lexa went back to her bunk and let out a huge sigh. She lifted her matress and reached out for the small device she had hidden there.

It was an MP3 player. She managed to have it sneaked it one day after visitation. It is extremely hard to find a USB port to charge it with, so she has to use it sparingly and right now she needed it.

She had a couple of her favourite songs on there, but her favourite track was not a song, it wasn't even a track. She connected her headphones and hit play.

_"Hey Lexa, it's already 11:30, where are you? I'm probably just freaking out as always. I know you always end up pulling through. I'm bored over here and I really miss you Lex. Thank you so much for this. I hope you get here soon.. I love you"_

She couldn't put a number on the amount of times she listened to that voicemail over the years. It was the only thing that she had left of Clarke

It reminded Lexa that Clarke did love her once and she will always be worth the wait.


	9. Taking the Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa with hints of angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is still A lot I'm trying cover in this story, I'm trying to go bit by bit so that I don't keep you all waiting too long. I hope you all like it!

  
Clarke was working her daily shift as usual. She was scrubbing the walls of the washroom when she came across a lose brick. She put down the sponge and wiggled the brick out of its place. Inside the wall there was a rectangular-like storage unit. There were some photographs, some letters and most surprisingly she found a phone. It was a Nokia phone, old enough that it didn't run on touch screen but modern enough that it could take photos and exchange attachments.

She heard someone walking into the washroom so she quickly placed the brick back in its place and hid the phone inside her pants.

She dsidnt think she could have been more fasinated by a phone in her life. She had the power to text anyone she wanted. Better yet she could make unlimited calls to whomever she wanted. She typed Finn's number on the dial pad then quickly erased it, thinking it was probably not a good idea to mention to Finn that she was illegally making calls from a personal cellular device in prison. His dad was a lawyer after all.

Suddenly she felt a rush a fear wash over her. What if someone found out that she had a phone? It could mean a longer prison sentence or even worse she could be sent down to the maximum security facility.

She decided it was best to return the phone back to where she got it from.

*

The next day she was walking towards the washroom when she heard a woman yelling.

"No , no, no where is it? Where is it? "  
she peeped her head into the washroom to find a huge, bulky woman rummaging through the gap in the wall in search for something.

 _Shit_ , Clarke thought.

If she puts the phone back now the woman was going to know that it was Clarke who took it. She stayed in her same position until the woman was done. When she walked out she made angry eye contact with Clarke who was holding a mop in her hand, looking innocent as ever.

Another day had passed and Clarke still had possession of the phone. How was she going to return it now?

*

Lexa saw the big, stern figure marching towards her.

"That skaigirl of yours stole my phone" She said

"What are you talking about?" Lexa wasn't really sure what the older woman was talong about

"Dont play dumb commander"

"How do you know it was her?" She asked

"I've had that phone for 3 years, 3 years! And it hasn't been stolen once. A then that new skai-bitch starts working here and it goes missing"

"Well maybe you shouldn't keep a phone lying around in the prison washroom " she said boldly

The figure got closer and closer to her until she backed her up on a wall. Lexa gulped.

"What did you say to me?"

Lexa was no competition to this woman. She was around 300 pounds of pure muscle. She was not the kind of person you wanted to mess with and now Clarke was on her hit list.

"Nothing" she mumbled

"When I get my hands on that girl.." Lexa didn't need to hear the end of that sentence to know what this woman was capable of doing to Clarke.

" I- I took it" she said, trying to piece the one last shred of confidence she had left

"You what?" suddenly she was in Lexa's personal space again

"I found it in the washroom and I figured I could use it" she gulped

They older woman fisted Lexa's shirt and pulled her closer to her face. "Where is it?"

Lexa was trying to come up with a lie, any lie.

"I- uh, I gave it Counsellor Kane"

"YOU WHAT?" the older woman was now yelling

" I figured I would.um trade it in to admin..in return for more privileges" she was stuttering.

"I.Dont.Give.A.Shit about your privileges " she let go of Lexa's shirt. "So I guess you're the one I have to blame for this, huh ?" She said as she rolled up the sleeves of of her shirt.

*

Everyone was in the cafeteria for dinner, including Clarke.

When Lexa walked in, everyone turned their heads towards her. She was limping her way to one of the tables. She was sporting one black eye and her lips were swollen, coated in a layer of dry blood.

She briefly locked eyes with a shocked Clarke and continued to make her way towards her table. She rested her head in her arms and took a small nap, trying to avoid all the lingering stares and quiet murmurs.

Everyone was clearing out of the cafeteria, Lexa was still sound asleep on the table.  
Clarke stayed back and walked over to the brunette.

"Lexa" She tapped her shoulder, Lexa didn't faulter

"Lexa" she shoved her shoulder harder

Lexa's head shot up the table. "What?", "What happened?" She turned to find beautiful blue irises penetrating her gaze . "Clarke.."

"It's time to leave Lexa" She looked over to the empty cafeteria and realized what Clarke was saying.

"Why are you still here" She asked

"I'm here because you look like you just walked out of bar fight"

"Why do you care?" Lexa asked

"I don't, but I don't see anyone else rushing to help you" Clarke's words stung a little.

"C'mon get up, we need to get you to my room"

"Your room?"

"These wounds aren't going to heal themselves and I know that you have too much pride to ask for help"

Lexa didn't argue her, frankly she had no more energy to engage in a conversation.

Clarke placed Lexa's arm on her shoulder and assisted her back to the room. There she sat Lexa down on the bed and fumbled through the drawer for some equipment.

"I go some basics from commissary, things that I thought may be useful in times like this" she said as she pulled out a packet of generic bandages and a small bottle of rubbing alcohol.

She grabbed a piece of cloth and dampened it with water. She knelt between Lexa's legs and began to gently rub off the dry blood on her face.

"What happened to you?" she knew it wasn't her place to ask, but she couldn't help being curious.

"I..um got into a fight with one of the other inmates" Technically, it wasn't a lei

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me" The comment was meant to be more humorous than serious.

Lexa couldn't help but stare at the beauty that was Clarke Griffin. She was flawless, everything from her hair to her eyes, down to her beautiful pink lips and her cute little butt chin that Clarke insisted was just a misplaced dimple.

"You're staring" Clarke said trying to focus on cleaning up Lexa's face.

"Sorry" She mumbled as she looked down

"Can you take off your shirt"

"W-what?" she stuttered

"I'm a doctor Lexa, are you really going to be childish about this" The blonde did make a point.

Lexa struggled discarding the shirt, all the ligaments in her body felt like they were on fire.

Clarke couldn't help the emotional pain she felt in her gut when her eyes hovered over Lexa's torso. There was a huge purple bruise that extended from her rib cage to her abdomen. There were multiple red and purple blotches along the sides of her body, which she concluded could have only been inflicted through numerous kicks to the torso. She gently traced the wounds with her finger, inspecting each and every one.

Clarke's hands were so soft and warm, this is the closest she has been to the girl since she came to the prison. Lexa flinched when the blonde accidentally pressed too hard on one of the wounds.

"I'm sorry" she said as she quickly as she retracted her hands. She went back over to her drawer and pulled out a white undershirt from it. She began ripping it, turning it into a long strip of cloth.

She coated Lexa's abdomen with some rubbing alcohol and proceeded to wrapping up her waist with the entire strip of cloth. Once she had covered all the affected areas of Lexa's body, she neatly folded the tip inwards to avoid it going lose. When she was done she helped Lexa put her shirt back on.

"Thank you Clarke" she smiled

"Don't thank me, I used to be a doctor. I would have done it for anyone." She could see hurt flash in Lexa's eyes. "Don't let it happen again, you could get really hurt next time."

"I thought you didn't care" Lexa said

"I don't...caring requires some kind of emotional connection and I feel none towards you. You understand? I'm just doing my job as former doctor."

"I understand" She said trying to act like Clarke's words did not hurt her. "Goodbye Clarke" she said as she left the room.

Lexa collapsed on the nearest wall, letting her body slide down to the floor as she buried her head between her knees.

She was now sobbing by herself in an empty room.

_"Don't let it happen again, you could get really hurt next time."_

She would have done it again, she would have taken a hundred beatings if it meant that Clarke wouldn't get hurt.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little less angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys like this one

**2 _years ago_**

_Clarke had being working day and night at the hospital, coming closer and closer to becoming a fully licensed doctor. She would often take extra shifts and stay in overnight, spending most of her nights learning new medical practices or studying for her board exams._

_The year was tough on Clarke, trying to resume her old life was harder than she'd expected. She kept pushing through, refusing to let any obstacle come in the way of her happiness._

_One night she was out at dinner with a couple of her friends. She had missed them a lot and it had been too long since she was socially active with other people._

_"Hey Clarke" said Nathan, snapping her out of her thoughts. "I want you to meet someone"_

_Miller always came late to events, but this time he came with someone. An attractive young man, around Clarke's age._

_"This is Finn, he recently moved back into the city and doesn't know many people around here"_

_"Hi " he said flashing a smile at Clarke_

_"Hey" she said smiling back. They looked at each other for a couple more seconds before Clarke offered him a seat next to her._

_"Can I just say, you are beautiful" he said in a calm, confident voice._

_Clarke blushed, it had been so long since someone called her beautiful. "Thank you" she let out a soft giggle. "So what brings you back to the city?" She said taking a sip of her wine._

_"I was offered a mechanics job, uptown. It's better paying and I know the city pretty well so I figured why not" he chuckled._

_The conversation flowed naturally between the two and Clarke was surprisingly enjoying his company._

_"Are you free Friday night?" he asked her_

_"I work a night shift Friday but I'm free on Saturday if that works for you" she offered_

_"8:00?" he asked_

_"8:00 it is" She smiled_

_A part of her was scared, but it was the good kind of scared. This would be the first person Clarke got romantically involved with since Lexa, and the idea of moving on petrified her._

_Incoming call. 'Unknown'_

_"Hello?, hello..? Is anyone there?" the line hung up._

_"Who was that?" Finn asked_

_"Don't know, wrong number I guess" as she placed the phone back in her purse._

**Present Day**

Clarke was pacing her room still unsure of what to do with the cellular device she had found. What if she gave it back to the woman? She could applogize and explain the whole situation to her.

It's still better than the alternative.

She made her way down to the basement as usual, scheming the floor for the larger woman. It shouldn't be too hard to find her, she did stand out after all. After a few more minutes of careful looking she found her sitting on her bed, reading a book.

Lexa saw Clarke making her way to the older woman. _Oh no_ , she was going to talk to her.

 _Shit, shit, shit_.

There was not much Lexa could do at this stage, she was still injured and could barely walk. She did however, keep a close for the eye on the whole encounter.

Clarke walked over towards the woman. When the woman saw her she got out of her bed and stood up infront of Clarke,  crossing her arms.

Clarke gulped, this woman was at least three times her size.

"What do you want Skaigirl?" She was really getting tired of being called that.

"Uh...I think I have something that belongs to you" She said as she slowly pulled out the phone from her pants and handed it to her.

The woman scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. Clarke thought she was making an angry expression so she quickly began to explain herself.

"Look I'm really really sorry, I found it one day when I was cleaning and I didn't know what to do with it, I was going to return it but then I saw that you were looking for it so I freaked out and kept it with me"

The woman wasn't even listening to Clarke, she was now eyeing Lexa who was on the far end of the room. Lexa was shaking her head, making all kinds of signals to the other woman not say anything about what happened. She stared blankly at Clarke who was still stammering through her words.

"Okay" was all she said

"That's it? You're not going to hurt me?" Clarke was surprised

"The deed's already been done, Skaigirl" shooting Lexa one last look.

This time Clarke noticed and turned to see what the woman was looking at. She briefly locked eyes with Lexa, who quickly looked down.

She tried not to make too much of it and made her way to the washroom to start her day.

 ** _2 years ago_**  
  
_Lexa was back in the city for the weekend. As usual she would get extremely drunk at a local bar and screw some random chick she would pick up at the end of the night. This time however she'd accidentally hit on a girl who was married and managed to get herself involved in a fist fight with the husband. This would not be the first time she got kicked out of a bar for aggressive behaviour._

_She had definately broken her hand and was in need of some of serious medical attention. She was still too drunk and not thinking straight. She was stumbling around in the streets by herself when an idea crossed her mind. She fumbled through her pockets for her phone and dialed the only number she'd ever memorized in her life._

_She was sure to keep her caller ID unknown and muted her microphone. She wasn't sure what she was trying to accomplish by calling her, but she did anyway._

_"Hello?" Her voice. Lexa's heart stopped and she placed her hand over her mouth, too overwhelmed by the situation._

_"Hello..?"_

_"Clarke" she sobbed, knowing the blonde couldn't hear her._

_"Is anyone there?" She quickly hung up._

_The burning pain in her hand suddenly became more noticeable as the effects of the alcohol were beginning to ware off._

**Present Day**

_The deed's already been done._ What did that even mean?

Why did she keep looking at Lexa?

Then it hit her. _Oh no_

Yesterday. Lexa. The fight. Her injuries

Lexa took the heat for her. It was the only logical explanation that came to her mind. She felt the sudden urge to see her ex lover.

When she made her way down to the basement she found the brunette sleeping on her bed. She didn't want to wake her, knowing how much pain she was still in.

She knelt down towards Lexa and gently grazed her hair.

"I do care about you, Lexa" she whispered and placed a soft kiss on the cheek.

Lexa shifted slightly but was too deep into her sleep to have acknowledged the blonde's presence.

 

 

 

 

 


	11. The Betreyal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all love to hate Lexa sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is all in the past, it's really important to the story and I hope you all like it! Let me know what you think

_**4 years ago** _

_"Do you ever think about what would happen if we ever got caught for what we're doing?" Clarke asked_

_"I've been in this business for six years and not once did I ever caught. Plus Titus is always on top of it, so I've never had to worry too much"_

_"What do you think is the jail time for something like this?"_

_"Well that depends, someone like Titus could get around twenty years to life in prison, whereas someone like me would get five/six years, since I work under him. Even then I'd still need a really good lawyer"_

_"What about me?"_

_"Not very long, you translate between the dealers and clients. That is barely a federal offence. Why the sudden worry?"_

_"I was just thinking, I would probably lose my medical liscense if I got caught and-"_

_"Clarke" she took Clarke's hands in hers "I would never let you go down for this, no matter what. It will be my burden to carry" she smiled_

_Clarke looked down "I don't want to lose you, Lexa"_

_She could hear the sadness in her voice "You won't Clarke, I promise"_

_**1 month ago** _

_They were sitting on the couch watching a movie together, it had become a Saturday night routine after Clarke moved in with Finn. Suddenly they heard a loud knock on the door._

_Clarke went to go open it, she was greeted by two policemen._

_"Are you Clarke Griffin?" One of them asked_

_"Yes" Clarke was worried but didn't let it show on her face_

_"May we come in? We have a few questions to ask you"_

_"Yes, you may" Clarke hesitated_

_"Clarke, who is it?" Finn said as he walked into the scene_

_"These officers have some questions for me" Clarke gulped_

_"What is this about officers?" He asked sternly_

_"Miss Griffin may be able to help us with a case against an international drug dealer"_

_Finn looked at Clarke, who was trying to avoid eye contact._

_*_

_"What do you know of a man named Titus Forrester"_

_Clarke's breath hitched "I don't know who that is" she hesitated_

_The two officers looked at each other_

_"Mr. Collins would it be okay for us to talk to your girlfriend alone?"_

_"Yea, no problem" He said as he exited the room._

_"Listen to me Miss, you know what this is about. We have you accountable for breaking two major federal offences? Don't make lying to an officer the third. Tell us what we need to know and we may be able to reduce the severity of the charges. Don't make this harder on yourself"_

_"I would like to speak to my lawyer" She said " I will not be answering any more of your questions"_

_"Suit yourself Ms.Griffin" They both stood up "Have a good night"_

_Clarke decided it was about time to come clean about her past to Finn._

_She'd be lying if she said he took it lightly. He was angry at first but then that anger had turned into sadness, he loved Clarke and couldn't imagine losing her. He certainly wasn't going to judge her for mistakes she'd made in the past and opt to help her in any way he could._

_The one thing she failed to mention was that Lexa was her lover. She mentioned to both Finn and his father that she was only a really close friend._

_*_

_"Clarke there's no way out this, you committed the crime and you're going to have to deal with the consequences. I can help you reduce the sentence but that is the most I can do" said Mr. Collins_

_Finn's father was one of the best lawyers in the city. If there was anyone that help Clarke out at this stage, it was him._

_"How did this happen?" she asked_

_"Officers had been targeting Titus Forrester for years now but he's a clever man, he knows his way around the law. After they arrested him they tracked down all of his partners, colleagues, employees and arrested them all one by one."_

_"But I never directly associated with Titus, how did they find out I was involved" She was hesterical_

_"It says here on the case file that someone listed you as an associate, that was only lead they had on you"_

_"Who?" Clarke raised her voice. "No one knew what I was doing that year."_

_"I don't know Clarke, they don't disclose that information to me but I can ask around if you really want to know" He offered_

_"What happens now?" She said, avoiding making eye contact_

_"You plead guilty"_

_"No way, I'll lose my medical license"_

_"We can deny the charges, but they have too much evidence on you for a trial to go your way and it will also mean longer jail time Clarke. I suggest that you plead guilty "_

_"I can't believe this is happening"_

_"Have you considered self surrender?"_

_"No, what is that?"_

_"It's when a defendant is aware of their prison sentence but chooses to drive up to the prison themselves rather than officers arresting you at your doorstep"_

_"How is that going to help me?"_

_"It's not, but do you really want all your neighbours watching you being cuffed and aggressively shoved into the back of a police car?"_

_"No.." she said_

_"Then I'll prepare the paperwork for self-surrender" He smiled. Mr. Collins was a good man, he always loved Clarke and she couldn't help but feel ashamed in herself that she had dissapointed him._

_"How much time do I have left?" she asked_

_"A couple of days, a week at most if you're lucky"_

_Shit_

_*_

_Clarke was trying to enjoy whatever days she had left her freedom when she got a call from Mr. Collins._

_"Hello Clarke? It's Mr. Collins"_

_"Hey" her voice sounded tired, defeated_

_"How are you holding up?" he asked_

_"You know just spending as much time as I have with friends and family"_

_"That's good. Listen I did some digging and I asked around other people working this case, I got the name of the person who named you as an associate"_

_This should be good, Clarke thought_

_"Who was it?"_

_"Alexandria Woods"_

_She didn't hear anything that he said after that. Suddenly the room was spinning. Her chest felt constricted, she was struggling to breath. Her mind was clouded, the feeling of anger taking over all her instincts._

_She threw the phone across the room. Hot tears of anger were streaming down her face._

 


	12. Sacrifices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not blackmail but close enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one might be a bit graphic. I will try to post another chapter today in the present timeline. Let me know what you think

_**3 months ago** _

_"Why am I being interrogated, I thought we were done with this. I'm in prison, what more do you want" she scoffed_

_The officer didn't say anything. Instead he slid some photographs towards Lexa. They were zoomed in shots of her and Clarke in various locations._

_"I-I thought this case was closed" She stuttered_

_"You had other people helping you, Lexa"_

_"I worked solo" She interjected_

_All the photographs were blurry and pixelated, you could barely make out Clarke's features. Their case was weak and Lexa knew it._

_"She's a friend" Lexa said_

_"She travelled with you when you were laundering drugs for Titus"_

_"Thanks detective. I didn't know that" she said sarcastically_

_"Give me her name, that is all you have to do then I leave you alone" This officer was not leaving her anytime soon._

_"I don't know anything" she smirked_

_"This isn't over Woods" He stormed out_

_**2 months ago** _

_"Lexa, we've been at this for a month"_

_Carl Emerson was the leading officer in this investigation, she knew that they couldn't close the case without vindicating everyone the was involved with Titus Forrester._

_"She was a friend" Lexa persisted_

_"Tell me her name" He was beginning to lose his patience_

_"No"_

_"I couldn't have you in here longer for refusing to cooperate with a police officer" He said, occasioanlly spitting in Lexa's face._

_"Am I?" She smirked_

_He chuckled, there was not humour in his voice "Don't make me send you down psych, inmate"_

_"You can't do that" Lexa gulped_

_"Like I hell I can't" His voice getting louder_

_"Now I'm going to ask one last time" He said leaning across the interrogation table "Give me her name"_

_"No" she managed to croak out_

_Emerson smiled and signalled for one of the correctional officers to take Lexa back to the prison_

_"Escort inmate Woods to psych"_

_"No!" She was fighting the grip the guards had on her "You can't do this!" she yelled._

_Emerson could do whatever he wanted,_ _he is the leading officer on this investigation and he had major ties with the head of the security team at Polis Correctional._

_  
*_

_Lexa had been in psych for a month. Emerson had her listed her as Type-A threat. The more she fought the nurses the more erratic she appeared. That's the thing with the psych ward, the more you denied being crazy, the crazier you looked._

_She spent the nights alone in a cell like room, she wasn't allowed to see other people. Day and night she was forced to wear a straight jacket, she couldn't move and the more she tried the more anxious it made her. She would spend every night crying alone, praying that it would all be over._

_She refused to take the pills that were given to her so nurses had to confine her to bed and force it into her system. The medication was the worst part. It often disoriented her thinking and made her feel nauseous._

_She was required to see a doctor everyday. They placed her in a small caged area while the doctor would ask her questions about her condition. She mentioned several times that she was not meant to be there and in turn the Doctor got more aggressive in his treatment._

_There were days when she wouldn't even lie down on the bed, she would just sit the whole night, listening to other patients screaming. She wasn't allowed to go to the washroom by herself, she would have to have two of nurses give her shower every week. There were days when she refused to eat so the nurses would pin her down and forced feed her._

_There was no sign of Emerson and she was beginning to think that she was going to stay there forever._

_One day she refused to take one her daily pills, she was fighting off all the nurses, screaming, kicking, punching, she even bit one of them. They believed her condition was getting worse so they booked her an electroshock therapy session that needed to be approved by_ _her Doctor._

_They dragged her out of her room that night and confined her to the bed next to the machine, at this stage there was no more point in fighting it._

_She knew it was going to hurt, but the more she fought the more aggressively they treated her. One of the nurses placed the electrodes on either side of her head and placed a mouth piece between her lips._

_Lexa began to shake, now she was scared.Once they turned it on Lexa closed her eyes hoping it would be over soon._

_Suddenly the electricity was searing through her head, nothing could prepare her for the pain that she experienced. She wanted it to stop, she wanted to scream. The pain was too much, her body started shaking uncontrollably. Tears started swelling in her eyes and she was sweating everywhere._

_When she went back to her room, her movements were slow. Her body was still suffering from jolts of aftershocks, her eyes began to twitch. She sat in her bed, staring blankly into space, not saying anything._

_*_  
  
"You don't look too good inmate" Emerson snickered

_Lexa was staring blankly at a corner. Emerson wondered wether he went too far._

_"Now, I'm going to ask you again. Who was the woman in the picture"_

_Lexa didn't say anything._

_"Did you like that electroshock therapy session Lexa? Hmm?"_

_That got Lexa's attention. She was now looking directly at him._

_"Tell me her name or I'll will keep you in pysch for the rest of your sentence..oh and we'll also make the shock therapies a weekly thing" He said shooting her a wink_

_Lexa looked at him for a few more minutes_

_"C-Clarke Griffin" she chocked out_

_"Good girl" He smirked._

 


	13. New Girl

Clarke spent most of her days checking up on Lexa, assessing the recovery of her wounds and helping her move from one place to another.

She doesn't forgive Lexa, she isn't sure she'll ever be able forgive her, but she couldn't just stand back while the woman she once loved was hurting.

Lexa was enjoying getting to see Clarke so often, although she wasn't entirely sure why she invested so much time in making sure she was alright. She kept convincing herself that Clrake was just a good person and that she would have done it for anyone.

Clarke was sitting outside alone beside a tree, reading a book she picked up from the library. She was enjoying the fresh air, it was a relief from cleaning smelly toilets all day. This became Clarke's comfort zone, it was the only thing she would look forward to and was the only thing that made her happy.

She saw Lexa limping towards her and got up to help her.

"It's fine, I got it Clarke" she smiled. "Do you mind if I sit next to you"

"No not at all" she said and resumed her spot beside the tree.

Lexa was sitting by the other side of the tree. There was an awkaward silence at first, both were unsure of how they should start a conversation. She tried thinking of something to brighten up the mood. 

"Do you remember that one time we went camping?" Lexa said out of nowhere

"Yes I do" She was unsure of Lexa's angle

"There was a a spider inside our tent" Lexa started laughing

"Oh god, I remember" Clarke giggled at the memory

"You kept throwing your shoes at it, hoping it would die. I went to go get some more firewood. I literally was gone for five minutes" she chuckled. "When I came back I found our tent completely ruined, you destroyed the whole thing for an insect the size of your thumb" She kept laughing

"Oh shut up, that thing could have been poisonous" Lexa laughed at Clarke's justification.

_How could Clarke ever forget that night. Their tent had been destroyed so they had no form of shelter and it was a cold night. Lexa gave Clarke her sweater and her blanket and made sure the blonde was warm before she went to sleep. It must have been like twelve degrees that day and she was sure Lexa froze to death, but the brunette didn't care, Lexa would have given her everything she had_

"You stayed up all night that day.." Clarke said in a soft tone

"I didn't want anything to hurt you.." her voice getting quieter as she looked down. "Especially none of those viscous spiders" Lexa laughed in attempt to lighten up the mood.

"Shut up Lexa" she chuckled.

*

Clarke was working he shift as usual when a blonde inmate she'd never seen before walked in.

"Hi I'm Niylah, I'm new here and I was assigned washroom cleanup. Are you Clarke?"

"Yes" Clarke smiled, this woman was not much older than Clarke was and she was stunning. "

"What do you need help with" she smiled back.

"I uh just finished scrubbing the toilets, you can mop the floor if you want" She said as she handed her the mop

"So what are you in for?" Niylah asked trying to break the awkward tension

"I worked with an international drug dealer. What about you?"

"Drug dealing? Huh? Wouldn't peg you for the kind"

"You and me both" Clarke chuckled

"I killed someone " Niylah said in a serious tone

Clarke froze, unsure of how to reply to the statement.

"I'm kidding" Niylah laughed.

Clarke let out a sigh of relief

"I'm in for Credit card fraud. It's fun and all until you get caught"

Niylah was funny, Clarke enjoyed talking to her. They had been going on for hours about their lives before and prison and they things that want to do when they got out. Clarke was glad she was making a friend. Both Raven and Octavia were fun to talk to but this was different. She felt comfortable with Niylah.

"So tell me one thing, Clarke?"

"Mhm?"

"Are all the inmates here as beautiful as you are?" She smirked

Clarke blushed, she had thought Niylah was gorgeous but didn't think that the older woman was attracted to her.

"You're not so bad yourself" she smiled, hoping that her rosy red cheeks weren't too noticeable.

Niylah dropped the mop and walked over towards Clarke, backing her up onto one of the walls.

Clarke should have said something to stop it, she wasn't sure why this woman had such an affect on her . Her front was now pressed against Clarke's and their lips only inches apart. Niylah raked one hand from Clarke's shoulder down to her waist and the other had moved to lift Clarke's chin towards her.

  
*

  
Lexa hadn't seen Clarke since their conversation on the field, she had put together a little gift for the blonde as a thank you for helping her while she was injured.

She wondered if Clarke was in the washroom working her shift.

She made her way to the washroom, walking around with a smile on her face, excited to see her favourite blonde.

"Clarke?" Are you on here?" She called out

When she walked further into the washroom, she saw Clarke pressed up against a wall. _Guess the tables have turned_

There was a girl with her arm wrapped around her waist, leaning in to kiss Clarke.

"I'm sorry- I didn't mean to interrupt" Lexa said audibly

Clarke quickly made her way out of Niylah's grip and adjusted her clothing.

"You weren't interrupting" Clarke said

"I'm see" Lexa didn't say anything else, she just walked back out towards her bunk, leaving the two woman awkwardly standing across from each other.

Her eyes stung, watching her and Finn was one thing but this..

*

"Lexa.." she heard the soft voice

"I um, I'm sor-

"You don't have to explain yourself Clarke, like you said I have no business in your life" she let out a weak smile.

Lexa pulled out something from her drawer and handed it Clarke "Here, I managed to get a hold of these for you". It was a small sketch book and a box of charcoal sticks "I know how hard the first couple of weeks are and I figured that this will help you clear your mind"

Clarke parted her lips in shock "I guess I shouldn't ask how you got these" She let out a soft chuckle. Lexa kept her head down, she was fumbling with her fingers trying not to make eye contact with Clarke. Clarke watched the sadness wash over Lexa's face.

Then she did something that shocked the both of them.

It took a couple of seconds for Lexa to register what was happening. Clarke was hugging her, she was shocked and still a little hurt by prior events but then she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Clarke's back tightly, enjoying the warmth and the closeness.

"This is amazing Lexa, thank you" she said pulling away from the hug.

She gave Clarke a warm smile. _Maybe there was still some hope._

 

 


	14. The Truth: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a two part chapter, I am going to try and get the second part up tonight. I hope you guys like it

"Hey Counsellor Kane, you requested to see me?" Clarke said as she walked into his office  
  
"Ah yes, Clarke. Please have a seat" He gestured  
  
"How you like to work as the Wardens assistant" He asked  
  
"Come again" Clarke was confused  
  
"I don't think washroom cleanup is the right pick for you, plus you get you own little office" He smiled  
  
"Okay..Why me?"  
  
"We've been trying to make budget cuts, the warden's been in need of an assistant for months now and your record seems pretty clean, you've had no history of violence and from what I see here you also used to be a doctor, that’s impressive"  
  
"Yes" Clarke gritted her teeth  
  
"I pays seventy cents an hour, which is seven times what you were making in the basement" He said, trying to make the offer more convincing  
  
In all honestly, Clarke was beginning to like her job in the basement. It was quiet, people around there were getting to know her. Most importantly, it was her only excuse to see Lexa every day.

"Do I have a choice?" She sighed  
  
"Not really"  
  
"Of course not" she whispered to herself  
  
"Perfect! You start today" She was beginning to feel an odd sense of Déjà vu  
  
*  
  
"Hi my name is Thelonious Jaha, but you can call me Mr. Jaha. I am the Warden of Polis' correctional, you must be Clarke Griffin my new assistant" He smiled  
  
"That would be me" she said, politely shaking his hand  
  
"It is nice to meet you. This will be your work station" He said pointing to the desk outside his office. "You will mostly be sorting out my files, taking calls, watering my plants and bringing me coffee once in a while"  
  
_Files. Calls. Plants. Coffee. Got it_  
  
"Okay" Clarke nodded  
  
*  
She had nothing to do the first half hour, so she sat and let her mind wander. She found herself thinking about the whole situation with Niylah. Why couldn’t she control herself? She wouldn’t want to ever intentionally hurt Finn, but if Lexa hadn’t walked in on the two she wasn’t sure she would have been able to stop herself- oh god and Lexa, she could never forget how much it hurt Lexa. Her Lexa- wait no she shouldn’t say that.

She concluded that it was best avoid Niylah for a while, just until she can figure out all her emotions and feelings.  
  
*  
She hated this job.

Mr. Jaha would get mad at her every time she messed up his coffee order or poured too much water over his plants

She was serving him his fourth cup of coffee for the day when she accidentally tripped over one of the wires and spilled it all over the floor.  
  
He buried his head in his palm letting out a huge sigh of disappointment.  
  
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mea-  
  
"It fine " He sighed, pressing his fingers into his eyelids.  
  
"I'll clean that right up"  
  
When she came back a mop. Jaha was out of his desk his desk, scattering through files to put in his briefcase  
  
"I’m sorry, I need to leave really quick. Are you okay here?"  He said in a hurried tone  
  
Clarke nodded, watching him exit the premise.  
  
She was cleaning the floor, enjoying the quiet atmosphere. There weren't many areas in the prison where Clarke could just tune out from everyone and everything. She was a little shocked to say the least, she'd expected there to a correctional officer by her side at all times. _They would just leave an inmate alone in such an important area of the prison?_  
  
Her curiosity was short lived when she realized that there were no filing cabinets anywhere in his office, there was nothing.

 _They probably leave it all in a more secure location._ Clarke thought

Most of the files Clarke did organize were usually boring papers filled with numbers that Clarke didn't even understand.  
  
She couldn't help but notice however that the Warden left his computer logged in. Clarke figured that he wouldn’t have left any vital information on there either. It had already been fifteen minutes and there was no sign of Jaha.  
  
She was eyeing the computer from her desk for the past half hour. _What's the worst that could happen? Getting caught? It's the Warden's fault for not logging out of his computer._  
  
She scanned the area for cameras, as far as she could see there were none. _Seriously? No wonder the system in this prison is so messed up. A primary public school is better equipped to hold criminals than this prison_.

She made her way to his desk chair, keeping her eyes on the main door at all times.

She browsed his entire system for something which she could remotely find interesting. So far the only interesting thing she came across was a mass of pornographic pictures under the folder name ‘system.dll’. _Guess it gets lonely in here_. Other files included photos of Jaha and his family, word documents of legal agreements and some unfortunate song choices.

Just as she was about to give up, Clarke came across a folder called ‘Archives’, there were a ton of subfolders Clarke went through before exasperating the ‘Prisoner Records’ folder. She made one quick glance at the door before opening the folder.

All the prisoners’ records were listed alphabetically. Polis was a pretty small prison, it held at least ten thousand prisoners meaning that there were probably thousands of records on this system, so she only searched for he names that seemed relevant to her. She started her with own. ‘Clarke Abigail Griffin’, the first part of the record displayed her mugshot and gave a brief description of her appearance.  There was a brief outline of Clarke’s involvement in the international drug business but nothing too detailed.  An hour had passed and Jaha was still nowhere to be found. 

‘R-e-y-e-s’ she typed it out, a list of all the inmates with the last name Reyes appeared. She looked for the one that said Reyes, Raven.

Bingo

She found it. _This should be good_. The only record she found was the ‘Involuntary Manslaughter’. Raven’s reckless driving had cost a man his life. Clarke wondered the guilt capacity someone would have to have for committing a crime like that. She always took Raven for the emotionless kind.

‘N-i-y-l-a-h’ Clarke didn’t know her last name but luckily for her there was only one Niylah in the system. ‘Niylah Jane Winters’. Clarke didn’t find anything on her record that she didn’t already know. _Damn even her mugshot is attractive._

‘W-o-o-d-s’ She wasn’t sure what she else she was expecting to find on Lexa’s record that she didn’t already know. Clarke was shocked to say the least, Lexa had multiple incidents of Assault and reckless driving. She was under the influence of alcohol in all the cases. _Jesus Lexa, what happened to you?_  From the dates, Clarke could tell that those incidents became worse with time. Just as she was about to exit Lexa’s file, something caught her attention. It was a drop down on her file that she didn’t see on the rest of the records. _‘Institutionalization’_. Clarke eyed the door one more time before she clicked on it. ‘Psychiatric Ward’. Clarke skimmed over the page quickly

_Patient displayed erratic behaviour_

_Condition of patient was not improving_

_Patient refused medication_

_Patient was sent for an electroshock therapy session_

Clarke was stunned, this did sound like the Lexa she knew. From what she could tell, Lexa had been there for a month while she was in prison.

Clarke heard Jaha’s voice outside the hallway and exited all the files as fast as she could. She ran out of his office and went back to her desk, her chest was heaving and she was breathing loudly.

“You okay there Griffin?’ Jaha asked her

“Huh- what?” Clarke snapped back to reality

“Um, you just seem anxious...” Jaha watched her as she tried to catch her breath

“I’m fine” She breathed out

_Shit, that was close_

*

She was still trying to process what she read on Lexa’s file. Lexa made a lot of wrong choices, but she was not mentally challenged.

She found the brunette sitting at her table in the cafeteria, Clarke knew it wouldn’t be too wise to talk to her right now. Lexa never saw Clarke walk in, but the blonde kept eyes on her.

“You look like a crazy stalker, stop looking at her” Raven said, shifting Clarke’s gaze away from Lexa.

“I wasn’t looking at her” Clarke said, trying to defend herself

“Oh, please. The lunch lady would be able to tell and she’s partially blind”

“Should she really be cooking our food?” Clarke said, looking at the old woman with the hair net.

“Probably not” Raven said taking a bite form her bread

When lunch was over Lexa got up to leave the cafeteria, Clarke was trying to get her attention but the brunette looked at her briefly and looked away. _Is she trying to avoid me?_

Clarke followed her out of the cafeteria

“Lexa!” Clarke yelled audibly but the brunette kept walking

Once she got closer to her, Clarke yanked her by the shoulder

“Hey!” It wasn’t a friendly hey, it was a ‘I know you’re ignoring me’ hey

“What do you want Clarke?” Lexa said in a cold tone

“Why are you avoiding me?” There was sadness in her voice

“I’m not” Lexa said as she turned to walk away.

"Bullshit" 

Lexa ignored the remark and kept walking. Clarke was infuriated  

“Then why don’t you tell me why you were admitted into the psych ward for a month” She blurted

_To be continued.._


	15. The Truth: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth : Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little shorter than usual, but I hope you guys like it. Let me know your thoughts!

“Lexa!” Clarke yelled audibly but the brunette kept walking away

Once she got closer to her, Clarke yanked her by the shoulder

“Hey!” It wasn’t a friendly hey, it was a ‘I know you’re ignoring me’ hey

“What do you want Clarke?” Lexa said in a cold tone

“Why are you avoiding me?” There was sadness in her voice

“I’m not” Lexa said as she turned to walk away

"Bullshit" 

Lexa ignored the remark and kept walking. Clarke was infuriated  

“Then why don’t you tell me why you were admitted into the psych ward for a month” She blurted

Lexa stopped dead in her tracks. She quickly turned around and marched over to Clarke. She grabbed the blonde’s arm and dragged her away from the crowd.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Lexa shoved her into the supplies closet and closed the door.

“How did you find out about that?” She said still gripping Clarke’s arm tightly

Clarke aggressively yanked her arm away and took a few steps back

“I work as the Warden’s assistant now” Lexa was staring at her intently, still waiting for an explanation. “Geez, Okay I was mopping his floor and he left his computer logged in…so I got a little curious”

“You shouldn’t stick your nose where is doesn’t belong Clarke” she said in a cold tone. Clarke was a little hurt by Lexa’s words

“So are you going to tell me?” Clarke asked

“You have no business in my life” the brunette said, mocking Clarke’s earlier words

Clarke would have been offended by Lexa’s comment but she knew the girl way too well. Lexa was only ever rude to her whenever she was upset or feeling agitated. Whatever it was that Clarke uncovered about Lexa was an old wound that the brunette did not wish to revisit.

Clarke hated herself for putting too much pressure on the younger woman. Lexa was looking down trying to avoid Clarke, the blonde could tell that she was hurting. 

She slowly reached out for Lexa’s face and tugged a strand of hair behind her ear, gently ghosting her fingertips over the younger woman’s jaw. Her face softened at Clarke’s touch.

“You don’t have to say anything you’re not comfortable with Lexa but if you ever want to talk to me. I’m here for you” she said making her way to the door of the supply closet.

“Clarke wait” she said softly, grabbing her wrist “I do want to tell you what happened”

*

Clarke took a seat on the floor across from Lexa. Neither of them had said a word for half an hour. That was the thing with Clarke and Lexa, they could communicate with one another without actually talking. Each of them knew when the other needed space, when they didn’t want to talk, when they were hurt and when they were happy.

“It was three months ago” Lexa said, finally breaking the silence. “I was already three months into my sentence when I was interrogated by an officer on the Forrester case” she paused. “I thought they closed the case but apparently new evidence had come to light.” Clarke scrunched her eyebrows in confusion

“What kind of evidence?” Clarke asked, unsure of what this had to do with Lexa’s institutionalization.

“Photographs” Lexa hesitated “Photographs of me and you...”

Clarke’s breath hitched, she did not know she was involved 

“Go on…”  Clarke said in an uneasy tone

“He figured you were another one of Titus' employees because you were with me whenever I delivered drugs internationally”

Clarke gritted her teeth. Clarke figured that was the day Lexa had betrayed her.

“What did you say?” she asked, knowing what the answer was.

Lexa noticed the sudden change on Clarke’s face. “I said you were a friend”

Clarke wanted to yell at her, even after everything they’d been through Lexa couldn’t even tell her the truth.

“They couldn’t close the case without vindicating everyone that was involved, you were a lose end”

Clarke was furious at Lexa’s pathetic attempt to justify her actions

“The pictures were too blurry for them to run a facial recognition scan, so I was his only option. He kept asking for a name but I kept telling him that you were just a friend and that you weren’t involved” Clarke’s face softened again. _Okay maybe she didn’t know everything_

”This officer…he was persistent. He wouldn’t give up, he interrogated me once a week for a whole month, and he was not going to leave until I had given him the answer he wanted. One day he threatened to make my prison sentence longer for “withholding information from an officer” and I told him I wasn't withholding anything.” She began to stutter “I- I didn’t know he was so powerful, he sent me to the psychiatric ward because I refused to cooperate with him” Lexa let out a tear as she remembered her first week there.

“Lexa…” Clarke was in shock. Lexa, _her_ Lexa went through a month of torture at the hands of a psychotic police officer because she refused to hurt Clarke more than she already had. Clarke still had so many questions for Lexa but right now she just wanted to be close to her, to hug and tell that it was going to be okay.

“T-they they...” Lexa broke out into tears, she couldn’t finish her sentence. Clarke quickly hovered over next to Lexa and wrapped her arm around her shoulder, letting the brunette rest her head on her collar bone

“Shh” Clarke whispered, trying to soothe her down. “Shh, it’s okay. I know” she continued to whisper planting soft kisses on Lexa’s head “I know what they did to you. You don’t have to explain yourself”

“I’m sorry Clarke” she sobbed. ”I’m so so sorry” It was the closest thing Clarke had heard to a sincere apology from Lexa.

“Ssh, It’s okay” She said quietly. “I’m here” She whispered, slowly stroking the brunette’s back.


	16. Let her Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of an old chapter or the start of a new one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really anxious about this chapter, I hope you guys are okay with the pace. I would really like to hear all your thought, so let me know what you think!

Today was visitation and Finn had seemed extra excited over the phone.  Clarke was glad to see that he was still hanging on to the last shred of enthusiasm left in their relationship. She wasn't even sure what their relationship was anymore. Clarke knew that she would have cheated on him in a heartbeat. She wasn't a bad person and she did love Finn but it was a best friend kind of love. He constantly  failed to satisfy her sexual desires on number of accounts and that had always been a problem for the blonde. She knew their relationship couldn't survive the remainder of the year, it was barely surviving the past two weeks  
  
A part of her was always broken, even after she started dating Finn. Clarke never let herself get over Lexa, yes she slept with other people and yes she was in a committed relationship with a guy who she chose to pursue but that was because she locked away all the emotions and never let herself truly feel the pain. She stored it away in hopes that one day it would just disappear however the days she was spending with the brunette were slowly unravelling that part of her mind and Clarke was scared.  
  
Finn was like going away on vacation, it's fun the first couple of days then you get bored of it and want to go back home. Lexa was like coming home after a long, tiring day. It was feeling she could never get bored of.

She made her to her table in the cafeteria, trying her best not to eye the brunette sitting on the other side of the room. They hadn’t spoken in two days, Lexa was weak in front of Clarke and now she needed a couple of days to regain that last shreds of her dignity, especially given the blonde would avoid her whenever things got complicated. That was the thing with both of them, every time they managed to take one step forward in their relationship, they always found themselves moving two steps back.

*

“’I’m so happy to see you Clarke” Finn said softly, sitting across from her

“I’m happy to see you too” She said giving him a weak smile

“You look better” He said, smiling back

Clarke couldn’t help but look over at Lexa, who was meeting with a woman whom Clarke had never seen before. She didn’t expect Lexa to look back at her, Clarke had been avoiding her since the last time they spoke and Lexa was refusing to Clarke have the upper hand.

“I wanted to talk to you about something” He said with a huge smile, shifting Clarke’s attention back to him

“Huh- what?” She wasn’t really focused on Finn

“Clarke” He took her hands into his, Clarke scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. “I have loved you since the first day I met you, you are the most amazing woman I have ever met and I love spending every minute with you. I know that this complicated things for us but I want you to know that I will never stop loving you and I’m going to wait for as long as it takes” He the fumbled through his pockets for something, he pulled out the object and held it in front of Clarke. It was a small box, Finn didn’t need to open the box for Clarke to know what was inside it.

This was not happening, she knew what Finn was about to do but she couldn’t stop him

“This is a promise that I am going to wait for you until you get out. That I want to be with you and no one else. I love you Clarke and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” He said revealing the beautiful engagement ring.

It got the attention of everyone in the visitation room, including Lexa. She felt everyone eyeing her like they were on a television show and Clarke had an obligation to say yes. How was she going tell him, how was she going to tell him that she didn’t love him anymore, how was going to tell him she didn’t want to be with him, how was she going to break his heart in front of all these people?

She made one quick glance at Lexa who was now staring at the whole encounter. The pressure was overwhelming.

“I-I” She noticed Finn’s smile faltering, like a small boy who just had his favourite toy taken away. “Y-Yes” She blurted out

The next thing she knew everyone was cheering and Finn was leaning in to kiss her. Everything was happening too fast and Clarke felt her heart beating uncontrollably, she couldn’t breathe.

“I need a minute, sorry” She said, as she ran out of the room, leaving Finn by himself.

She was leaning against a wall trying regain her composure. Clarke was not one so susceptible to panic attacks but this was all too much.

“Clarke” Her voice, it was so soothing, so calming. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine” She said trying to control her breathing

“Breathe, Clarke” She said placing a reassuring hand over her shoulder.

“What are you doing here?” She asked after finally regulating her breathing

“You sat me with me during my worst, and now I’m here for you” She said quietly

“Finn proposed” she trailed “and I said yes…” she said as she backed her head on the wall

“It’s not my place to question your decisions Clarke, but right now that man is inside waiting, worrying about the fiancé that just walked out on him. ” Clarke was surprised at how understanding Lexa was being. A part of her wanted Lexa to talk her out of it.

“I need to go back in there” Clarke said after a long moment of silence

Lexa nodded, as she watched the blonde make her way back to the visitation room.

Lexa felt like there was something lodged in her throat, she wanted to say something but she knew that she had no right. She was in love with Finn and as much as it hurt her, she needed to believe that he is going to treat Clarke better than she ever did. It was time to let her go.


	17. Moving on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What you didn't know

"Lexa get out of bed"

"No" Lexa groaned and pulled the covers over her face.

"You can't stay in bed forever" Ontari said, pulling the covers off of her.

"Yes I can" Lexa interjected, pulling the covers back onto her face.

"Lexa, you've been like this for a week" She sighed, taking a seat on the edge of Lexa's bed.

Lexa continued to ignore the girl sitting across from her.

"At least take a shower, you smell like a dead cat" She said as she got off the bed and walked away.

Lexa lifted her arms to take a whiff of herself, _oh god she did need a shower._

*

"Blake!" Lexa yelled trying to catch up to Octavia

"Ugh, what do you want woods?" Octavia scoffed 

"It's nice to see you too" Lexa said in a sarcastic tone.

"Seriously, what do you want" she said, crossing her arms 

"You know what I want..." Lexa waa trying not to sound too desperate.

"Hmm, I don't do business with Trikru...but I can benefit from you" Octavia trailed, giving her a smirk 

"What do you want?" Lexa's tone was now serious

"I want a hundred dollars deposited into my commissary account" She said, raising her eyebrow.

"Deal" Lexa replied confidently  

Octavia's jaw fell open, she did not think Lexa would agree.

"But I want a whole pint...by the end of today"

"Fine...you know where to meet me" Octavia said, sealing the deal. "Oh and  Woods seriously, take a shower. Geez"

Lexa scoffed, as she watched the younger girl walking away from her.

*

Lexa had finally taken a shower and made her way up to the library, waiting patiently for Octavia to make an appearance.

Lexa must have waited for half an hour before Octavia finally made her up to the library.

"You're late" was all that Lexa said to her

"You know you're not my only customer right" She said making her way to the isolated corner of the library. She grabbed a chair and stood on it, making one quick glance left and right to make sure that no one could see her. She pushed onto one of the lose ceiling tiles, shifting it to the side and pulling out what looked like a bottle of water.

"Don't get any thoughts Woods, I change the location everyday" She said as she readjusted the tile and stepped off the chair "Here" She handed the bottle to Lexa.

"You'll find the money in your commissary account by the end of the week" Lexa said, taking the bottle from Octavia's hand

"It was a pleasure doing business with you" She said giving Lexa a smug smirk.

Lexa replied with a fake smile and walked out of the library, making sure that none of the prison guards had seen her.

*

It wasn't very often that Lexa resorted to alcohol in prison. None of her people ever managed to get hold of it and Octavia was well known for making her own. It wasn't the strongest or the best tasting but it was good enough to do the trick.

She made her way back to her bunk and opened the cap of the bottle. Octavia was clever, she purposely bought the opaque water bottles from commissary so she could use them as a method of containing her product. Guards never thought to check what was inside them because they always assumed it's just water or some kind of juice.

The smell of the liquor hit her nose before she could she could even take a sip of it. Lexa needed this, she wanted to move on. She didn't want to the think about the blonde anymore. She didn't want to feel anymore. She didn't want to be weak anymore...

*

An hour later Lexa emerged from her bunk, her breath reeking alcohol. She did not it expect it to hit her so strongly but she didn't care, the less cautious she was the better it made her feel.

She skimmed the floor briefly before locking eyes with one of the inmates. The girl looked at Lexa and smiled, giving her thr occasional wink. Lexa smirked and stumbled over to the younger woman.

"Come with me she" Lexa slurred and grabbed the woman's arm, dragging her into the washroom. The girl didn't seem to mind Lexa's dominant behaviour so she softly pushed her into one of the empty stalls and locked the door.

The girl leaned in to kiss Lexa, but the brunette shifted her face to the side 

"No" She said in a stern voice

The girl furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, but then got the message when the older woman tugged her downwards.

The girl hesitated at first but then hooked her fingers in the waistband of Lexa's pants. She licked her lips at the sight of Lexa's obvious erection buldging out of her boxers. It wasn't long before Lexa was tangling her fingers in the girl's hair as she bobbed her head up and down Lexa's length, working her into an impending orgasm.

*

Clarke was sitting on her bed, working on a new drawing in the sketchbook that Lexa had gifted her.

"That's beautiful Clarke, holy shit.." Raven said as she made a quick glance at the drawing Clarke was working on.

It was a drawing of a woman's torso from behind, the woman was naked, sitting on a bed with her head slightly turned to the side. Clarke had put extra detail into her curvatures and the bones that bulged out of her skin.

"...but Lexa's hair is longer than that" Raven smirked , flashing the blonde a wink.

*

**_One week ago, visitation day_ **

_Clarke walked back into the visitation room and noticed that everyone had been staring her. Finn stood up when her saw her walk back in._

_"Clarke...Are you okay?" He said in a calming voice_

_"Yes I'm feeling better now" she said, trying to force a smile. "Please, sit"_

_She went back and sat across from him_

_"Finn..." She wasn't sure how she was going to start this conversation_

_"You have been so amazing to me these past two years and I love you, I do...but not like that, not anymore" She noticed the hurt washing over his face, he knew where this conversation was going_

_"If I accept this proposal, it's only because I don't want to hurt you." He was now looking away trying to avoid making eye contact._

_"Listen to me Finn..." She said trying to get his attention "You deserve a girl that's as good of a person as you are. That person...it's not me" She said trying to be as soft with her words as possible._

_"When did you start to feel like this? " He finally croaked out_

_"It wasn't a sudden thing, it was gradual. I was never in the right place to start a relationship and I should not have put you through that and I'm sorry"_

_"I still care about you Clarke" He said quietly_

_"Finn, I care about you too. I always will. You took me out of my misery and showed me what it was like to be happy again and for that I will always be thankful" she was telling him the truth._

_"Thank you.." He said, taking Clarke by surprise "... for telling me know instead of later"_

_Clarke smiled, that was one of things she loved about Finn. He always put her first, even now while she was breaking up with him, he was understanding because he would rather have to endure the pain by himself than lash out at the woman he loves._

_She leaned in and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "Goodbye Finn"_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are still liking the story, there's still a long way to go, but I promise not to let you down


	18. Heda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter the almighty Heda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to let you guys know that I have read each and every one of your comments and I am amazed by all your ideas and inquiries, I loved reading every one of them. I also wanted to let you guys know that if you had any ideas please share them, I will not change the plot of the story but I will do my best to incorporate your ideas the best way that I can.

Lexa's eyes fluttered open, she wasn't feeling too good. Her head was pounding too hard for her to form one coherent thought and she felt the urgent need to puke out everything in her system. She was passed out in the middle of the field when she felt pair feet positioning themselves infront her face.

"When I said get your act together this is not what I meant"

Lexa groaned "It's the crack ass of dawn Ontari, leave me alone"

Ontari crouched down towards Lexa "Its 2 in the afternoon, love"

"I don't care" She mumbled into the ground. She wasn't really sure how she ended up on the field, she did work the garden shift after all maybe she had been on her way to work

"If you don't get up , I will drag you out myself"

"I'd love to see you try" She groaned

She couldn't have been more thankful that the girl had given up and walked away.

The next thing she knew, she was soaked in ice cold water and Ontari was standing across from her again, tipping over a huge bucket towards Lexa.

"What the fuck!" She said, water pouring into her mouth and through her nostrils.

Ontari was mentally constructing her will as she watched brunette get up to chase her. She threw the bucket to the side and took a head start, running as fast as she could.

They looked like two children running around on a playing field. Ontari knew that Lexa was much faster that she was and it was not long before she found her face planted into the grass and the heavy weight of the brunette pressing over hers.

"Did that make you feel better?" She mumbled into the ground

Lexa wanted to argue, but the little sprint did help her get over the aching hangover.

"You planned this..."

"Just looking out for you, Heda" She said as she lifted her face of the ground and gave her wink over her shoulder. Lexa groaned as she got off the smaller girl, making her way back into the prison.

"You look like a dead rat, inmate"

"Save it, Murphy" She sneered, giving the officer a death glare.

*  
Clarke had not seen Lexa in over a week and she would lying if she said that she didn't miss the brunette.

Everyone was sitting, having their dinner in the cafeteria. Everything seemed to be going okay until one of the girls on the Trikru table started yelling at another inmate. The yelling quickly escalated into a heated argument that then resulted in an aggressive exchange of fist fighting and hair pulling.

Everyone was chanting and rooting for different sides of the party. It was the first time Clarke had seen the situation so chaotic. There was huge riot on the Trikru side of the cafeteria, not even the police officers could take control the situation and were forced to call for backup.

"Em Pleni!" _Enough!_ It was loud enough to catch everyone's attention, including Clarke's

Everyone stopped what they were doing and eyed the angry brunette that had just walked into the cafeteria. People had cleared the path for Lexa to walk through as she marched towards the two inmates that were fighting. She was not too pleased. The whole room was now dead silent , except for the occasional _"Oh, shit"_ that was whispered numerously across the room. Even the prison guards did not dare to say a single word.

Lexa stepped between the two younger women, yanking them both by the collar of their shirts so that they were separated from one another.

"I don't even care what happened between the two of you, but if I _ever_ see this happening again and I will be sure to make both your lives a living hell at this prison. Am I understood?" She said in a tone so cold it sent shivers down both their spines. Clarke stared in shock at the whole encounter. _I guess that's why she's called the commander._

"Get out...the both of you" They both murmured their appologies and looked down as they walked away.

She took a seat beside Ontari as the whole commotion died down.

Clarke always knew Lexa was dominant, but this...this was impressive.

*

Lexa was back in her bunk, she was wearing her reading glasses, proof reading a bunch appeals for the other inmates. After all, she did get accepted into Stanford University for a major in English Literature.

"You've been avoiding me commander"

"Clarke" She could never get bored of the way Lexa said her name.

The brunette kept her eyes on the paper, knowing way too well that the blonde was staring at her.

"Why are you still avoiding me?" She said crossing her arms, even though a part of her knew why the younger girl would be acting bitter.

"I don't have time for this Clarke" She said, her hand gripping the pen a little harder

"Lexa..."

"No you know what, you don't get to waltz in here whenever you want just because you're feeling lonely..." She said turning around in her chair

"Lexa-" Clarke said again

"Oh and the next time you want to talk to someone why don't you try calling your fucking fianc-

"Lexa!" She raised her voice, trying to get the brunette to stop talking. "I broke up with Finn" She finally blurted

Lexa wasn't sure how to feel or react in front of the blonde. She stared at her for a while before turning back to her desk

"Good to know" She said in an indifferent tone as she continued to work on the appeals.

"Fine be like that" Clarke said as stormed out of the room.

Lexa let out an audible sigh as she watched the blonde walk away. She hated hurting Clarke but she did not want to be weak anymore. She was finally beginning to feel like herself again. Even with Finn out of the picture she knew that it was going to be difficult to regain the girl's trust and respect after everything she had put her through but the one thing she did know however, was that _she was never going to stop trying_.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to quickly clarify something in the previous chapter, Raven winked at Clarke because she knew the drawing was of Lexa not becsuse of any ulterior motives. That being said I hope you guys liked this chapter


	19. Sacrifices Better Kept Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some sacrifices are better kept secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uploaded this chapter like three times because I was having some trouble with it, anyway I know this is pretty heavy but I hope you all continue to love the story, I love to hear all your thoughts
> 
> Warning: Just to note, there is a brief scene that may be considered uncomfortable to readers

"Woods, you'll be with me today" The officer said, flashing Lexa a wink

"Why?" She questioned

"We're clearing out an old unit of the prison that is up for renovation. I need assistance"

Lexa groaned as she got out of her bed and followed the correctional officer.

Lexa could agree with almost everyone at this prison, she was good at negotiating, socializing and recognizing people's weaknesses, but if there was one person that Lexa could never coincide with, it was Officer Wallace. He was the most vile, most disgusting human being she had ever laid eyes on. He would often show up to the job just antagonize the rest of the inmates, making perverted comments towards them and conducting unnecessary body checks to grope a feel of the their most intimate body parts. Wallace always felt like he was entitled to high level of respect from the other members of staff since his father was the head of the security department at Polis Correctional.

He led her towards a door that said 'Storage'

"Why are we at the storage unit?" She asked

"We're clearing it out" He replied, searching for the key to open the door

"What does that mean?"

"It means we're getting rid of everything in here" He answered in an impatient tone

"What? Why?" She blurted

"We need the extra space and most of this stuff is just junk that belongs to other inmates"

"You can't do that, some of this is stuff is valuable to the prisoners, don't you think they'd want it when they get out?" She exclaimed

"I don't care what the prisoners want" Wallace replied "I was given orders and now I'm fulfilling them" He snarled

The room was quite big, there were thousands of smaller storage units, with a label of each inmate's number on the outside of each one. This was going to take a long time

"What are you going to do with all this stuff?" She asked

"I don't know, probably take it to a waste facility" He said as he laid back in his seat, stretching his arms and legs.

"Are you not going to do anything?" She scoffed

"Nope, that's why you're here" He smirked

*

Lexa had been emptying storage units for three hours while she watched Wallace taking a nap on the chair beside her. It was getting hot and she was in desperate need of some water.

"Wallace!" She yelled, waking up the officer

"What is it woods" He groaned

"It's too hot in here, can I get some water?"

"Is it too hot in here? " He sarcastically "I think it's fine.." He gave her a devilish grin as he got up to toy with the air conditioning panel "I wonder how thirsty you're going to get with the air conditioning off" He winked

"This benefits no one" Lexa huffed out

"I don't know what you're talking about, I can always leave, get some fresh air. You are stuck here... oh and by the way feel free to take your shirt off if it gets too hot in here" he snickered

*

"Wallace please" She breathed out "I need water"

"Fine" He said as he walked out of the storage unit

He then came back into the room with a bottle of water. Lexa sighed in relief, she had been dying for hours.

He walked towards her then stopped halfway and smirked. He grabbed the bottle of the water and twisted the cap off.

"How badly do you want this water" He beamed

"Wallace I'm not doing this with you" She whined, completely out of energy

"Beg" He demanded

"No" She said sternly

"Beg" His voice got higher

"N-no" She persisted

The grin on his face dropped. He tipped the bottle to the side and let it all pour on the floor, as he watched Lexa's nostrils flared in anger.

She wasn't too surprised by Wallace's actions, he was a well known sociopath. Even his own father knew it.

He chuckled to himself and resumed his position on the seat, watching Lexa work tirelessly while he got to sit back and relax

"So I'm curious..." He finally said

Lexa continued to do her work, trying her best to ignore the man sitting on the other end of the room

"Why are _you_ in a female's prison?"

"Excuse me?" She was now looking straight at him

"Come on woods, we all know your situation down there"

Wallace was trying to trigger a reaction out of Lexa, but the girl refused to falter at the hands of this officer

"I mean that must have been hard to identify as a woman when you're really now"

Lexa grit her teeth, still trying her best not to give in Wallace's comments.

Lexa knew who she was and she was and she not going let anyone, especially not Cage Wallace tell her what she is and what she is not.

"I wonder what it looks like" he said with devilish grin

"Would you like to see?" She said enthusiastically "I think it would be an education experience, you would finally get see what a real penis looks like on a non microscopic level" She smirked as she tugged on waistband of her pants

"Get back to work inmate" He snarled, balling his fists in anger. Lexa grinned as she looked away satisfied with herself

*

Lexa had already missed lunch, Wallace refused to let her out until the whole unit had been cleared out. She was tired, exhausted and hungry but she knew there was no going back until the job was done.

She came across an object that was oddly familiar. It was a watch. Lexa would recognize that watch anywhere, it was Clarke's watch. The girl would never take it off, it was her favorite thing in the whole world and was the last thing that her father had given her before he died. There's no way Lexa was going to let them take it away. Clarke would be heart broken.

She grabbed the small device and placed it in his it inside the waistband of her pants . She quickly got up to leave when she bumped into the frame of Wallace's lean body.

"I saw that" He said crossing his arms

"Saw what?" Lexa asked, trying to play dumb

"Whatever it is give it to me now" He said as he held out his hand

She hesitated before reaching into her pants and handing him the watch.

"This is nice watch" He said as he inspected the device in his hand. He lifted it to his face to get a closer look, only to deliberately drop it on the ground. Lexa flinched as it landed centimeters away from his foot

"It would be a real shame if someone were to accidentally step on it" He sneered

"Don't even think about" Lexa's nostrils flared in anger

"It must mean a lot to you" He grinned, as he lifted his foot and positioned if on top of the ticking device.

"No!" Lexa yelled

"I'll never understand you inmates..." He retaliated

"Let me have the watch...ill do anything, please" Her plea was calm but still demanding

"Hmm...I do have one thing in mind" He said, as he tugged on his belt.

Lexa gulped as she watched him un fasten the belt buckle, knowing exactly what he wanted.

 _You owe this to Clarke_ , she thought to herself

*

She ran as fast as she could to the nearest washroom, quickly kneeling down in front of one of the toilet seats and shoving her fingers to the back of her throat, trying to trigger her gag reflex. Her eyes were blood shot red, she had been crying. She let out, every last thing in her system and yet she still couldn't get the disgusting taste of his semen out of her mouth.

Her shaky hand dug into the waistband of her pants as she reached for the device. She continued to sob as she held it towards her chest tightly and remembered the blonde that she loved so dearly, the woman that made it all worth while.


	20. Two Steps Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lontari is our power duo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: there is a very mild recollection of the incident with Lexa and Cage. 
> 
> I love hearing all your thoughts and ideas so let me know what you think!

"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch"

"Ontari, no" She said firmly

"Lexa, look at you. You haven't slept in days"

"It was my choice, he did not force himself on me" She said quietly

"Lexa.." Ontari said softly, yearning for the fragile girl in front of her "It wasn't supposed to be a choice from the begggining, the man is a sicko"

"What's done is done" She said, looking down

"How could you just be sitting here, doing nothing!" She exclaimed

"What would you have me do?" She said, sounding defeated

"Fight back, take revenge. Wallace has hurt enough women in this prison"

"He is powerful Ontari"

"But you are more powerful Lexa" Ontari was one of the very few people that called Lexa by her first name

"There is nothing I can do" She said quietly

"Then I will do something" She said as she started to walk away

"You will not!" Lexa rised from her spot, blocking Ontari's pathway.

"Get out of my way" She said in a cold tone

"Stand down" Lexa warned

"Lexa...he hurt you" Her voice softening

"It was my choice" She persisted

"You and I both know that even if you chose not to, he would have forced himself anyway"

Lexa didnn't say anything, she knew this was true. Given his rough treatment of her that evening, she knew he had it planned from the very start.

Her face quivered as she recalled the horrific memory. The numerous times she gagged, coughed or chocked in the short time span of fifteen minutes.

"Damn it Lexa, let me do something!" She yelled, losing her patience

"Ontar-

"You are my family Lexa, you are all I have left..." She croaked out "...and I'll be damned if I have to sit on the side lines and watch you get hurt again" She looked down

Lexa's mouth gaped in shock. Ontari was very much like Lexa and often did not express her feelings.

"I don't need you to fight for me" She finally said, as she walked away

"Of course, because that's what your good at. Pushing people away when things get tough" She said over her shoulder, trying not to sound hurt

Lexa ignored the comment, closed her eyes and walked away.

*

Clarke was sitting by her usual spot in the field, tuning out the rest of the world as she devoted her time to her sketchbook, catching up on years worth of ideas and inspirations that she had missed out on

She fluttered her eyes upwards to see what had suddenly blocked the rays of sun light, or rather who.

Lexa was standing on top of her, with a handful of white tulips that she had picked up from the garden during her shift.

"What is this?" Clarke asked, twitching her eyes from the penetrative effects of the sun light

"This is, I'm sorry" Lexa said crouching down towards the blonde.

"Sorry for what exactly?" The blonde lingered

"For acting like an asshole this week" She said softly

"That's all you're sorry for?" The blonde was planning on giving in but she couldn't help but take the opportunity to mess with the brunette

"There's not enough land in the world to grow appology flowers to compensate for the things that I have done to you"

Clarke was slightly stunned, she was not expecting that response.

"Thank you for this" She said, grabbing the flowers out of Lexa's hand.

Lexa layed down on the grass and let out a long sigh "Do you think we'll ever stop fighting" Shd asked, releasing a soft chuckle

Clarke layed down beside her, eyes darted towards the brunette "Probably not, but I think we owe it to ourselves to try" She smiled

"To friends" Lexa smiled back

"To friends" Clarke echoed softly, as she took Lexa's hand in hers

They lied there for a couple of minutes before Clarke sat back up to continue her drawing.

She saw Niylah in the distance and couldn't help but stare at her, the two hadn't spoken since their encounter in the washroom.

When the other blonde locked eyes with her she immediately looked down, her cheeks turning bright red.

"You should talk to her" Lexa cleared her throat, noticing the entire encounter

Clarke didn't say anything, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little embarassed that she had been caught

"We're friends aren't we?" Said Lexa

"Yea..." Clarke trailed, unable to look directly at the girl across from her

"Clarke it is clear you feel something towards her and as your friend I am telling you to go talk to her" Lexa forced out a weak smile. It was not the ideal proposition but Lexa couldn't help but notice the way the blonde looked at this girl. She knew because it was the way Clarke used to look at her. She was not going to come in the way of Clarke's true desires.

For now, she was glad she just got to talk to the blonde unconditionally.

Clarke blushed at the comment, but didn't say anything else.

Lexa's diverted her attention towards the officer in the distance. It was Wallace, he was conducting another body search on one of the newer inmates, she could see the smirk plastered on his face from meteres away as he felt every each of the poor girl's body. She wondered how many other woman had suffered at the hands of Cage Wallace the same way she had.

*

Lexa walked over to Ontari, who was sitting by their bunk. She took a seat next to her and parted her lips to say something.

"Lexa, look I shouldn't have over stepped my boundary and I'm sorry, I j-just- I wanted to-

Lexa cut off her with a warm embrace. "Thank you" she whispered, as she closed her eyes.

Ontari sighed into the hug as she squeezed the brunette tighter.

"I'm sorry I pushed you away. You are my family and you always will be" She smiled

"Egh! Don't get all soft on me Woods" Ontari chuckled

Lexa laughed back as she gave the younger girl a light punch on the shoulder

"We need to get rid of Wallace " Lexa finally said

Ontari smirked "Already two steps ahead of you"

 

 

 


	21. Revenge: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cue Echo and Luna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry for the late update, I'm doing a summer course so I've been a bit occupied. I hope you guys like this chapter, part 2 comes out later tonight!

 

"What if we get all the inmates to confess what Cage has done to them? There's no way they can ignore the allegations if there are numerous complaints about the same officer"

"That's not going to work, Donte Wallace is his father and the chief of the security department, a couple of useless allegations won't get us anywhere" Lexa was pacing

"How about a protest?" Echo interjected

"A protest could work, but we would need a lot of more inmates, there's no way Skaikru will participate and the Trikru population is too little" said Ontari

Lexa had called a brief meeting between a few of the other inmates to discuss their plans to take Wallace down

"We need to play dirtier than petty little protests" Lexa said sternly

Echo scoffed at the directed comment

"I like the sound of that" Ontari grinned

"We could get in a lot of trouble" Echo said, crossing her arms in dissaproval

"Not if we play it smart" Lexa asserted

"You said it yourself, Wallace has the backing of his father. Whatever we do might end up back firing in our faces" Echo persisted

Lexa had been eyeing the younger inmate who had not said a single word the whole meeting .

"Luna what do you think? Lexa asked

The girl didn't say anything, she continued to look down, fumbling with her fingers. Lexa could tell she was uncomfortable with the situation. It wasn't too surprising, Luna was one of the more well respected members in the Trikru community but she usually didn't say much. Lexa always had admired the younger woman, she often kept out of trouble and followed orders accordingly.

She couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with the girl. As soon as she heard the name Cage Wallace she shut down, wouldn't make eye contact with any of the other girls and kept her head down.

"Echo, Ontari can you please leave us for a second" She requested

Both women nodded and walked out of the room.

Lexa eyed the girl sitting across from her.

"It won't work" Luna mumbled quietly as she continued to look down

"Why do you say that? Lexa said in a concerned tone

The girl looked away, trying to avoid Lexa's question.

"Look at me" Lexa demanded

The girl hesitated but slowly turned her head towards the older woman. Glossy brown eyes locking with green. Lexa recognized the pain straining her eyes.

"He hurt you. Didn't he" Lexa's voice softened

The girl immediately looked down again

"Luna.." Lexa placed a reassuring hand over her shoulder, as the younger girl nodded slowly.

"What did he do to you?" Lexa's voice tensing up

Luna looked away again, avoiding Lexa's question

"Did he hurt you physically?" Lexa asked calmly, trying to get an answer out of the brunette

The girl nodded once again. Lexa did not want to make the woman more uncomfortable than she already was so she had to remain calm although the blood beneath her skin was boiling.

"D-did he touch you?" Lexa hesitated, not wanting to cross a line

The girl remained mention less for a few minutes before nodding ever so slightly.

Lexa's body tensed, her jaw clenched in anger.

"Did h-he force himself on you?" She asked boldly

The girl remained silent, she was wasn't sure what to expect next and wondered if she had pushed her boundaries.

Lexa did not miss the tear that had escaped the younger woman's eye.

She had gotten her answer

A single drop slowly progressed to a stream of flooding tears.

"Why did you not say anything to anyone?" Lexa asked, trying to cover the deep sorrow she felt towards the girl.

"I-I d-did" She finally said wiping the tears with her forearm. "I t-told Kane, I thought they would do something. He promised me they would do something" She continued to sob " I waited weeks, months. N-nothing" She stuttered

Lexa gave her a warm embrace, wrapping her arms around the girl protectively. " I'm going to take care of it. I promise" She said, trying to comfort the woman before her.

These were _her_ people. He was hurting _her_ people. _Now it was personal_.

*

"Murphy!" She yelled, trying to catch up to him

"Woods" He said sternly

"I need your help with something" Said Lexa

"This should be good" he replied sarcastically

"I need you to help me frame Cage Wallace" She blurted

"Wha-why no, no way Woods, I'm not getting involved. Wallace is powerful"

"He's hurting my girls, I won't stand for it" She said crossing her arms

"Look there's no one that would rather see Wallace's head on a stick but I could get in serious trouble if I get caught"

"You don't even know what I have planned..." She trailed

He shot her a death glare

"Fine, fine" She said as she turned around and started walking away.

She deliberately paused and smirked to herself "You know it's a real shame, that Emori sure does talk about you a lot" Lexa lingered, taking one step forward

"Wait what?" That got his attention, as he walked back towards Lexa

"I mean I could feel inclined to set you up but I really think I want to" She grinned devilishly

"I don't know what you're talking about" He croaked

"Oh please Murphy, I've been watching make eyes at her since she got to the prison"

"Does she really talk about me?" He looked down, the pink rushing to his cheeks

"All the time" She said softly, suddenly the manipulative part of her had died down. There was something about the way his face lit up, it reminded her of the love she felt towards Clarke.

"Look you don't have to help, I'll still talk to her for you" She said quietly

"I-I want to help" He said, almost instantly

"You do?" Lexa was a little stunned

"I um, I uh I don't want Cage hurting her too so.." He stuttered, looking away from Lexa.

Lexa smiled, she started to think about Clarke and how she would slaughter Wallace if he ever layed a finger on her.

"So here's what your going to do..."

  
*

"I spoke to Murphy, he's on board"

"Are we sure about this?" Ontari said in a concerned tone

"No...but it's our best shot " Said Lexa

They were standing outside in the field eyeing Wallace's every move

"It's your cue" Lexa said nervously

Ontari nodded and walked towards the repulsive officer. She was making subtle eye contact with him, trying to get his attention. Everytime he looked towards her she would smile and look away, occasionally flashing him a wink.

"What do you think you're doing inmate" He walked towards her, crossing his arms

"Nothing" Her voice lingered, trying to sound as flirty as possible. "I can't help it officer, you're just _so_ handsome" She mentally gagged at her own words

"Really?" He smirked, stepping closer to her

"Oh yes..." She trailed as she touched his bicep, tracing his arm slowly.

He was now inches away from her face, Ontari looked past his shoulder for another officer in the distance, to ensure that she was safe

She leaned in closer to his earlobe, and trailed her hand towards is chest

She suddenly yanked his collar towards her aggressively and whispered "If you ever touch one of my girls again, I will have one of my hit men hunt you down and chop off that pathetic penis of yours in the middle of the night" She let go of his shirt and smiled "I'm glad we could have this talk Wallace" She grinned, tapping his chest as she walked away.

She heard his audible gulp as she walked back towards Lexa

"Phase B complete" She winked

  
*

"Lexa!" She heard the woman's excitement over the phone

"Hey Anya" She smiled to herself

"How are you holding up?" She asked

"I've been better"

"That's good to hear..."

"Hey An, you're coming for visitation tommrow right? "

"Yea I wouldn't miss it!" Anya exclaimed over the phone

"Good, because I need a huge favour from you" She hesitated

"Of course Lex anything" The woman said calmly

...

Everything was falling into place, Phase C was now complete

 


	22. Revenge: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking Wallace down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so I know I've been taking long to update but it's finally the weekend and I'm going to try and get as many chapters in as possible. I know this Wallace plot is dragging on and I do apologize for that. I felt like the Clexa plot was getting heavy and I wanted to divert from that for a bit. That being said I hope you like this chapter. Everything after this will be Clexa I can assure you of that. Let me know what you think!

"I need your phone" Lexa demanded

"No way Woods"

"Oh come on, please" Lexa pleaded

"No" the bigger woman persisted

"I'll cover your garden shift for a week" She offered

"No" The woman continued

"A month"

"Do I need to remind you what happened last time 'you' took my phone?" The woman stepped in to Lexa's personal space, crossing her arms.

Lexa gulped

"Two months" She managed to squeak out. Lexa wasn't one to get intimated so easily, but not everyone in the prison fell under her solitude.

"Two months..." The larger girl huffed in annoyance "...and I want one of those block out earphones, my bunk mate won't stop snoring"

"Deal" Lexa extended her hand to shake on it but the girl simply continued to stare at her. "No? No hand shake?" Lexa laughed nervously. The woman crossed her arms. "I guess not" She murmured as she walked away.

*

Luna was sitting by herself on a table in the cafeteria when Cage marched up towards her and grabbed her by the elbow.

"Come with me" He sneered, dragging the younger woman away from the crowd, shoving her into a crammed storage room and locking the door behind him.

He slammed her face into the hard concrete wall, tightly gripping her head as he leaned in closer to her.

"You bitch!" He yelled " Who else did you tell? Huh?" He spazed, the grip on her head getting tighter.

"I- I don't know what y-you're talking about" She stuttered

He slammed her head back into the wall "Your friend Ontari had a nice little conversation with me today. Next time you'll think twice about pulling something like that again or I will kill you"

He paused and leaned his head closer to her earlobe " I don't regret what I did to you" He smirked "In fact I enjoyed it...watching you struggle, watching you scream" He breathed.

Luna shut her eyes, trying to battle the tears fighting to come out

"In this prison you are my property and I will do whatever I please with you. Is that understood?" He sniggered

He pushed her back towards the door

"Now leave" He threatened

Luna made a quick exit, keeping her head down and avoiding eye contact

*

Two police officers had just walked in to the Warden's office

"We are looking for Cage Wallace" They stated

"What is this about officers" Jaha replied in an uneasy tone

"We received a tip that Mr. Wallace had been smuggling drugs in and out of this facility" One of the officers replied

"I can assure you that it is a false allegation, my men would never do such a thing" His stood up, trying to regain some composure

"We are only here to inspect the situation sir, we do not intend on arresting anyone...yet" The officer said sternly

"I'll take you to him"

Jaha led the men towards the field where Wallace was running his morning shift.

"Jaha. Officers. How may I help you today?" Wallace said confidently

"These officers think that you may be smuggling drugs in and out of this prison" Jaha replied quickly, trying to avoid a scene.

"Me?" He started laughing "Yea I think you have the wrong officer" He said as he turned away

"Sir can you please take us to your locker unit" There was no humour on either of the offcier's faces.

Wallace's grin died down "Yes of course, officers" He said, shooting Jaha a death glare

Murphy was playing cards with another prison guard in the locker room. When he saw Wallace walking in with Jaha and two police officers. He tried to look neautral

"I'm not sure why all of this is necessary" Wallace snarled

"Can you please open your locker for us?" One of the officers requested

Wallace sighed and obliged, inputing his lock combination as the officers put on a pair of gloves.

"You're not going to find anything" Wallace defended, as they began to search his locker

_**Flash back** _

_"Go to this address" Lexa demanded as she wrote the details of the address on a small piece of paper. "There is a woman named Anya Woods, she is my cousin. She will give you the bag of heroine"_

_Murphy nodded trying to register all the information at once_

_"Once you get it, you're going to need to separate some of it into a smaller pocket sized pouch"_

_"That is the one I give to you right?"He asked_

_"Yes, and the rest of it is what you are going to put in his locker"_

_"Hmm. Tricky but doable" He said, stroking his chin_

_"Make sure you use gloves at all times and make sure you don't hide in plain sight, you need to stuff it in his bag or something"_

**

The had been searching for ten minutes, Murphy began to wonder if he hid the bag of substance too well. A minute later the offcier's hand emerged from the locker with the transparent pouch of white powder.

Cage's smirk dropped

"That's not mine" he defended

Jaha sighed loudly as he buried his face in his palm. Murphy was trying to suppress his grin

"Check him" One of the officers said "Hands above your head, turn around"

"This is stupid" He growled

"I said hands behind your head" The officer snapped

Cage followed the officers orders, not saying a word

The conducted a full body search from head to toe, checking his pockets and the inside of his sleeves. One of the offcier's stopped at his chest an pulled out a smaller bag of the white substance from the front pocket

  
**

_"If you ever touch one of my girls again, I will have one of my hit men hunt you down and chop off that pathetic penis of yours in the middle of the night" She threatened as she crept her hand into the front pocket of his shirt and slipped the small bag cocaine inside._

**

"What the fuck! That's not mine!" He yelled

The two officers constrained the agitated man infront of them, pulling him away towards the police car

"I'm being framed!" He kept yelling, trying to break free from the officers.

*

  
A whole day had passed and Lexa was impatiently waiting to hear an update from Murphy. She spotted him walking towards her but she could tell from his facial expression that there were complications

"What? What happened?" She stammered through her words

He sighed loudly "The amount was not enough to get him arrested, the gave him a fine instead"

"W-what about the drug trading charges?"

"They said they didn't have enough evidence to prove that he was actually giving drugs to the inmates"

"Son of a bitch" Lexa huffed

"So what happens to his job here" Lexa asked, hanging on to her last shred of hope

"He um- he's getting a month of suspension" Murphy hesitated

"What!" Lexa yelled

"Look I'm sorry, that's just the way things are around here. I tried"

"I know, I'm not blaming you" She said, in an oddly calm voice

*

Lexa knocked on the door of the Warden's office

"Please come in Miss Woods" Said Jaha "I see you have requested to see me."

"Have a seat" He said as he gestured towards to the chair

Lexa took a seat across from Jaha

"What is this about?" He asked as he watered his plants

"Cage Wallace" She said bluntly

Jaha froze in his spot, putting the can of water down on his table rather aggressively "I wil not discuss that with you" He said in a stern voice

"You and I both know he should have gotten fired" She relaxed her back onto the chair

"Excuse me? You have no say in that issue, Inmate" He warned, reminding Lexa of her place

"Have you checked you email recently?" She said, giving him a devilish grin

Jaha didn't say anything, but rather opened his work email. Her comment made him slightly anxious, but he didn't think that he would find anything that could remotely put him or the prison in harms way.

He gulped when he received an email from an annonymous sender. "What is this?" He asked, voice strained and agitated

"Why don't you open it and find out" Lexa smirked

There was an attachment in the email, it was a video.

**

_"Why are we doing this again?" Ontari asked Lexa_

_"Every great leader has a backup plan" She stated. Ontari rolled her eyes at the cliche comment_

_"Wallace is going to try and threaten Luna, after what you said to him. He's going to feel threatened and we need to use that to our advantage"_

_"Luna, I'm sorry you're going to have to go through this, but I promise you that me, Ontari and Echo will be bordering the premise, if he takes too long or if anything feels off we are going to go in, Okay?"_

_Luna nodded nervously_

_She was now looking directly at Luna "I'm going to set up the phone in the storage room. Wallace is going to want to take you somewhere where he can't be seen and that is the only private room in the area. Anything that he says to you can be used to our advantage, just try not to trigger him"_

_"What are you going to do with the phone?" Ontari asked_

_"I can't give it to admin, because they will just throw it away and send me to the maximum security facility for having contraband"_

_"So..." Ontari trailed_

_"So I'm giving the phone to Anya during visitation and she is going to deal with it from there"_

**

The video played the entire encounter between Wallace and Luna in the storage room, the quality was terrible but good enough to make out Wallace's features. Everything from the aggressive behaviour to the death threat played loudly.

Jaha sat in his chair, jaw clenched in anger as he turned off the computer screen.

"What is the meaning of this?" He finally said, balling his fists

"I don't know Jaha, I would ask Wallace" She winked

Without saying anything else, he got up and phoned one of the prison guards.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you...you see, my friend has this video saved and backed up on a number of sources. She is only one click away from sending to to every media and news outlet in the city" She smirked

Jaha put the phone back down slowly

"What do you want?" He sighed

"I want you to fire Cage Wallace, effective immediately" She said " And if you so much as try to come near me, I promise you that video will surface the entire media line in an instant"

He looked down and braced both his hands on either side of the desk, trying to figure out his next move. Lexa knew he was defeated but she enjoyed watching him squirm.

"Fine" He finally said, it was barely audible but Lexa smiled and got out of her chair

"I'm glad we could come to a mutual understanding Theloneuos"

He flared his nostrils at the use of his first name as she walked out of his office.

 

 

 

 

 


	23. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One word. Jealousy

It was around eleven in the morning meaning that Clarke would be in her usual spot in the field. Lexa was making her way to see the blonde, she had missed her. With everything that happened with Cage she hadn't seen or heard of her in almost a week.

When she walked out on to the field she was surprised to see that Clarke had company. It was Niylah. They were sitting together, laughing and holding hands. She decided it was best to walk away and leave the blonde alone. Her heart was beating faster than usual and she could feel her body getting intensly hot with jealousy as she turned away.

"Lexa!" A voice yelled, it was unmistakeabley Clarke's

_Shit_.

She contemplated pretending like she didn't hear the girl or turn around and endure the awkward situation before her.

Her thoughts were cut short when the blonde called out for her again

"Lexa!" She yelled across the field

The brunette turned around and smiled at the blonde from a distance as she walked towards the duo.

"Hey Niylah can you give us a second?" Clarke asked the older girl

"Of course" Niylah smiled and gave Clarke a quick peck on the lips before she walked away.

There it was again, the hot intense feeling of jealously. Lexa's body tensed up as she tried to fake a smile towards Niylah. Once she was gone she took a seat beside Clarke.

"That's new" Lexa said, breaking the awkward silence as she looked down

"Yea...I took your advice" Clarke smiled

"And now you guys are a thing.. " she said trying to sound excited for the blonde. "I'm happy for you" She said softly

"Thank you" Clarke whispered, keeping her smile in tact. " I miss you Lexa" The blonde said after a brief pause. Lexa could tell that comment was purely friendly but it still made her melt inside

"I've been occupied lately" She replied

"I heard about the whole Cage Wallace thing"

"Word travels fast, huh?" Lexa chuckled

"He never tried to hurt you, did he?" Clarke said in a concerned tone, trying to find Lexa's eyes. "I mean I know you worked with him a couple of times and I heard about the stuff he did to the other inmates.." Clarke rambled on, like a nervous eight year old

Clarke was the most adorable when she was concerned or worried. "No he didn't" Lexa smiled weakly, trying to remind herself that it was her choice

"Okay good" She sighed in relief  
  
*

Lexa made her way to the cafeteria for lunch when she spotted the Clarke and Niylah sitting at one of the tables, making sappy eye contact with one another.

She rolled her eyes and walked away in annoyance

"Someone's not too pleased" Raven called out, as Lexa was walking towards her table

Lexa huffed at the snarky comment and turned to sit with the younger brunette. She wanted answers.

"How long have they been together?" Lexa couldn't help but ask

"Not long, a couple of days...maybe a week?" Raven replied. "Why are you jealous woods?" She smirked

"No" Lexa said quietly "I mean Niylah is a nice girl. It is a fresh, innocent relationship between two consenting adults" Lexa said, trying to sound mature in the matter

"Innocent!?" Octavia blurted, spitting out her drink "Those two are at it like two animals in a constant rut"

Lexa's clenched her jaw and flared her nostrils as she glanced over at Clarke and Niylah

"No seriously though, I've heard them going at it in the laundry room, storage room, prison chapel basically every sanitary area in this prison" Said Raven

"Yesterday I walked into our room and Clarke was naked from the waist up, there was a blanket covering her from below and her legs were spread out, I thought she was just you know 'taking care of herself' until I saw figure moving between her legs. I literally ran out of there as fast as I could" Raven recalled the memory of Octavia running to her in the washroom saying that she had been 'scarred for life'

Lexa clenched her fists on the table, she did not need that mental image. Although the idea of Clarke naked was starting to stir a little excitement in her pants.

"Uh, uh oh my god Niylah! Fuck me!" The two girls started mimicking the sound of Clarke's moans, trying to trigger a reaction out of Lexa.

"Very funny guys" She snarled as she walked away from the two, who were still laughing and giving each other high fives.

Although a part of her was jealous that Clarke was with Niylah, an even bigger part of her was hurt more than anything. She hated the idea that someone got to kiss Clarke, please her, touch her...the way she used to.

Lexa snapped out of her thoughts when Ontari sat beside her on the table

"When did that happen?" Ontari said, looking back at Clarke and Niylah

Lexa groaned as she sank her head in the table

She rubbed her shoulder gently "I'm sure her and Nylon are very happy together" She chucked

Lexa giggled as she lifted her head to face the girl sitting next to her

"Are you gonna be okay Lex?" she asked softly, as her laughter died down

"Yes I think so" She smiled

She was making eyes at the girl sitting across the room.

"Lexa, don't. " She said sternly

"What?" Lexa jabbed

"I know you, you're going to hook up with that girl, then you're are you going sulk for days because you miss Clarke" Ontari replied

Lexa opened her mouth to say something, but she knew it was true

*

The younger girl pushed her against the wall and began attacking her neck with kisses. She was roaming her hands up and down her body, pulling her closer trying to gain some friction against the throbbing erection.

Everything was happening too fast and Lexa could feel her body overheating but it was not from the over powering sensation of arousal...she was feeling suffocated. A part of her was still boiling with jealously but the other part of her knew that this was her way of compensating for not being with Clarke.  
  
She did not want to be that person anymore, _she did not want to be that person to Clarke_

The girl had made her way past the wasitband of Lexa's pants and was now rubbing the brunnette through her boxers.

Lexa slowly grabbed the younger girl's wrist and pulled it out of her briefs, looking up the girl, who was sporting a confused expression

"Look I'm sorry, you're very attractive Nina -

"It's Nancy" the girl interjected, crossing her arms  
  
"Right. I -um I'm just not feeling it today. I sort of have someone else on my mind and-"

She suddenly felt the stinging pain flashing across her cheek, as the girl's palm connected to the side of her face.

"Okay I deserved that" She whispered as the girl stormed off.

Lexa was no stranger to slaps, especially when she made decisions with the head located between her legs.

 

 

 


	24. Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been really nevous about this chapter and I hope you guys like it!

It was noon and Clarke was lying in her bed. She hadn't seen Niylah all day, not that it really bothered her. Niylah was an amazing person, she knew how to make Clarke smile, make her laugh and she was amazing in bed but she was only a distraction from the emptiness Clark felt inside.

She missed the contact, the feeling of having someone to talk to when she felt alone. Losing Finn was like losing her best friend, she would spend hours every night talking about her passion to pursue art and other useless girly things and he would smile and listen to her unconditionally.

Then there was Lexa, the woman that she once loved, the one who could still give her that warm feeling of joy, just being in here mere presence. Everytime she would try to get close to Lexa again, the girl would push her away. Everytime they moved forward she would go missing for a week doing god knows what and Clarke would feel like an absolute idiot for missing her.

Being with Niylah made her forget about all of that, even if it was temporary it was still something.

"Why so glum chum?" Octavia said, snapping her out of her thoughts

"Just thinking that's all" Clarke forced out a weak smile

"Trouble in paradise?" Raven commented

Clarke shook her head

"You know what you need?" Octavia said in a suggestive tone

"What?" Clarke asked curiously

"Alcohol" Octavia smirked

Clarke shot up from her bed "No way" She exclaimed

"Oh yea, I usually charge people for it...but you look like you need it" She winked

*

"Come with us" Raven and Octavia led Clarke to a small hallway on the second floor, it was quiet and pretty isolated

"None of the prison guards ever come up here" Octavia said, as she sat down on the floor leaning her back against the wall

The two girls sat beside her, crossing their legs

"I make it from whatever I can find in the prison kitchen, the head chef can barely see anything so I am in and out of there constantly" She said as she twisted the cap of the bottle

She handed it to Clarke to have the first sip.

Clarke stared at it for a brief second before grabbing it from her hand and chugging as much as she could down her throat.

She squeezed her eyes shut as the bitter flavour roamed her taste buds. "That's disgusting" She chuckled

The other girls laughed along, knowing that the girl made a point.

An hour had passed and the alcohol had already taken its full affect on the girls. They were, laughing, slurring and sharing pointless stories of their lives before prison. Clarke handed the bottle to Raven, who had not taken a single sip of the content the whole evening

"No I'm good, I don't really drink anymore" Raven said softly, gesturing Clarke to move the bottle away.

She noticed that both their smiles had died down and a part of her figured that it was probably best not to ask.

Neither of the girls had said anything in a couple of minutes.

"I uh- Raven began, breaking the awkward silence. "About two years ago, I was coming out of a bar and I was really drunk, it's not something I usually do but I was having a particularly bad day" Raven continued, as she cleared the lump in throat. "I figured I was sober enough to be able to drive my car..."

It was all coming back to Clarke, she remembered what she had read on a Raven's record. _'Involuntary Manslaughter'_

"Raven, you don't have to-" Clarke whispered, she did not want the girl to have to re-live the tragic memory

"It's okay.." She smiled weakly " I was driving really fast and my music was playing really loud..." Her breath began to hitch "...before I knew it I was in the hospital, everything was blurry but I could see police officers, a lot of police officers and a woman, she was crying her eyes out" Raven's eyes began to water "He was an innocent man..." a small tear escaped her eye, as she turned her face to the side.

Clarke felt a lump form in her throat as she watched the younger girl tell her story.

"He had a wife...sh-she was pregnant" More tears were streaming down her face. "I sent his family a bunch of letters from prison. I tried getting in contact with them but they refuse to associate with me"

"It wasn't your fault Raven..." was the only thing Clarke could choke out

"But it was...I was careless and it cost a man his life. That's the thing with prison Clarke, every9'e thinks they're innocent but no one ever forced us to commit the crimes we committed"

"Preach" Octavia said as she raised the bottle in the air

"I don't believe anyone is innocent, but I'd like to think that the mistakes we made don't define us as human beings. You made a mistake but that doesn't mean you are a bad person"

Everything was silent again, the sound of Raven sniffling was the only thing that could be heard

"I killed a man" Octavia finally said, she took one more sip from the bottle as she sat up.

Clarke was stunned and a little confused, she probably would have been scared if it weren't for all the alcohol in her system.

"I was in love with a man" She slurred. "His name was Lincoln. He was the only man that ever treated me like a human being. I grew up on the streets and he found me one night and told me to come over to his place. I thought he wanted sex, but it was everything far from that" Octavia released a giddy smile. "He just wanted to give a place to stay and some clean clothes. He taught me how to communicate with others, invited me to all his social events and introduced me to al his firends. He was never ashamed of me, e gave me a job and not once did her ever ask for anything in return. We fell in love with each other..." Her smile began to falter "We were together for five years and one night we were walking on the street and this guy pulled out his gun and told us to drop everything we had...Lincoln tried to reason with him but the man shot him anyway. He dropped his gun, he was scared and he didn't intend on shooting anyone. H-he was like me, a homeless man who had nothing. I watched Lincoln bleed out on the floor and suddenly I felt the heat rising in my chest. I was angry and upset and I let it get the better of me" Octavia's voice began to shake. Clarke gripped her arm softly, trying to calm the agitated girl before her. "I just kept punching him, I couldn't stop, everything was happening so fast and before I knew it, he was no longer moving or breathing..."

Raven entwined her fingers in Octavia's and rested her head on her shoulder. "It's okay O"

 _These girls weren't criminals, they were just at the wrong place at the wrong time,_ Clarke thought

"What about you Griff?" Raven asked "Whats the situation with you and the all mighty commander"

Clarke's rested her head back into the wall, she was still trying to process everything she had just heard. She figured it was only fair to tell them her story

She took a deep breath in "I was her business parter, we travelled around the world delivering drugs to different clients. The money was good and it was relatively safe so I stayed. We were together for two years" Clarke paused as she took a sharp inhale "I was in love with her...it was like a part of me was missing until she came into my life" She bit her lip remembering the years she spent with Lexa "One time we had a fight and I refused to talk to her for two days so she camped outside my apartment door until I agreed to speak with her" she started laughing "She brought a sleeping bag and everything" The other two girls were giggling as well. "...one day I found out my mom had cancer and I was so upset and scared..she came over that day and told me it was going to be okay.." Her smiled dropped, as her tone of voice began to change "We were supposed to go to the Bahamas that week and I waited for her at the airport, that was the I was going to-" she paused "...I called her ten times and nothing, I must have waited for six hours until I figured it was best to go home. I stayed up all night, worried that something happened to her...god I was such an idiot" She said as she looked down

"You're not an idiot Clarke..." the younger girl said as she took Clarke's hand in her free one.

The three girls sat there in the hallway, all their hands intertwined together. It was silent but it was the good kind of silence.

"I think..that this is the start of a beautiful friendship" Octavia slurred as she lifted the bottle up in the air, dropping some of it on Raven's pants

"Octavia!" The woman yelped

"Oh please, they're prison pants Rae"

The three girls started laughing

*

_**4 years ago - The Airport** _

_It was already twelve o clock and there was no sign of Lexa. Clarke was pacing around the airport, worried that something had happened to Lexa. She tried calling Indra and Anya and there was no sign of them either._

_Lexa is okay, breathe Clarke_

_She had been nervous all day, this was supposed to be a special day. She had her hair done in the morning and put on Lexa's favourite outfit of her._

_She sat back down and opened her backpack retrieving the small box that was inside. She made sure to his the bouquet of flowers behind the chair. She wanted this to be perfect._

_She opened the tiny box and smiled to herself_

_"That is a beautiful ring" The old lady next to said "She must mean everything to you"_

_"She does" Clarke's heart fluttered as she thought about spending the rest of her life with Lexa._


	25. Speak: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk

Lexa had just made her way down to the cafeteria and was greeted by the sight of Clarke and Niylah induced in a heated make out session.

She could feel her heart stammering out of her chest, all the air escaping her lungs. She tightened her jaw and grit her teeth in anger.

_Maybe she could kill Niylah in her sleep, or maybe she could get Ontari to do it._

She gracefully looked the other way, trying her best to suppress the growl that was threatening to escape.

She couldn't help but glance over at the couple once in a while, once they had finally separated she accidentally locked eyes with the younger blonde . Clarke smiled her way but Lexa was too focused on the day old hickey that was plastered on her neck. Lexa clenched her fists in anger as she looked away, refusing to return her smile.

When Lexa saw Niylah walking in her direction she turned her head to the side, completely avoiding eye contact. She inched her self closer to the side so that their bodies were almost parallel when they crossed paths. The closer she got, the more the aggression built in her body.

She slammed her shoulder into the older blonde, knocking out the tray she was holding. The food and water went splattering across her chest, she tried to best remain indifferent to the situation.  
Although she had planned to do it she did not meant for the bump to be so impactful

"Watch where you're going" Lexa snarled, letting the jealousy get the best of her.

Lexa avoided Clarke's penetrating gaze as she made her way out of the premise. The younger blonde knew the incident was intentional.

*

Lexa was roaming around the upper level, trying to clear her mind when she felt herself being aggressively shoved into one of the rooms.

The brunette turned around to find the pulsating blue eyes piercing into hers.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" She was infuriated

"Not now Clarke" She said as she turned around, making her way back out of the room. She was in no mood to argue with Clarke, it will only agitate the both of them even more.

"No" She scowled, moving to block Lexa's pathway "You don't get to shut me out when you feel like" She said in a cold tone.

Lexa stepped forward, trying to move but Clarke continued to block her off, crossing her arms

"What is your problem? You say you want me to happy and then you go around acting like a fucking child" Lexa knew what Clarke was referring to, but she remained silent

"Are you mad at me?" Her voice softened as she uncrossed her arms. There was a slight tremor in her voice, she was hurt. It was barely recognizable but Lexa could tell.

She had no answer. Clarke was like a ticking time bomb, anything that she would say could set her off even more.

"Answer me" Her voice was low and cold

"No" The brunette finally croaked

The blonde stared at her for a long while, searching for a shred of emotion

"Is it Niylah? Do you have a problem with her?" Clarke finally asked, her tone was mocking

"No" Lexa repeated, voice getting quieter

Her nostrils flared in anger, she was losing her patience "Then what is it? huh? Because I'm have hard time trying to figure out why-

"I don't want you to be her" She said as she closed her eyes in regret. Her voice remained quiet and calm

The younger woman looked at for a long time, opening and closing her mouth multiple time but never saying anything and for the first time ever Lexa could not read her.

"Why?" Clarke finally asked, she knew the answer but she needed more this time

"You know why" Lexa snarled

And there it was, Lexa pulled the trigger and there was no turning back. She watched as the younger girl grit her teeth and fluttered her eyes in fury.

"Because you 'love' me? Huh? Because you say so ?...Words aren't enough Lexa, you can't say that you have feelings for me one day then go fuck someone else another" She was now yelling

"I-

"You can't talk to me like everything's okay one day then avoid me for a fucking week..If that's you loving me Lexa, then bravo you've out done yourself" She said in a sarcastic tone.

"What would you have me do Clarke? You're the one who told me to leave you alone" She sighed, trying to remain calm

"When has that ever stopped you"She crossed her arms once again. She was still furious but her tone of voice was softer

"You want to me to fight for you while you're too busy fucking Niy-

"You ruined my life. I had everything and now look at me. Look at this. Look where we are arguing!" Her voice was getting higher and higher.

"You need to stop acting like this is my fault. I never put a gun to your head Clarke" She gritted, it was now Lexa who was losing her patience.

"Excuse me?" Clarke stepped back. She was infuriated.

"No one forced you to join me, that was YOUR choice so stop acting like you're innocent" Lexa jabbed, she was growing tired of this argument

She knew she went too far as she watched Clarke's eyes begin to water.

"I'm not innocent, I knew what I was singing on for" She choked out

"Then why did you fucking do it?" Lexa stepped forward. Her voice getting higher, taking Clarke by surprise

The girl stood infront of her, she remained silent and motionless as she stared long and hard into Lexa's eyes

"Speak Clarke" She snarled "You want to talk big? By all means continue" She gestured towards the blonde.

A tear escaped the older woman's eyes as she marched over towards the bed, aggressively pulling off all the pillows and the covers.

Lexa scrunched her eyebrows, in confusion. She definately pushed her limits

"What are you doing" She asked as she watched the blonde roughly lifting the mattress to the side, retrieving a small object from the inside of the metal binding.

"What now you have nothing to sa-

She was cut off when the blonde turned around and threw the tiny object at her.

"That's why" Clarke said weakly

Lexa eyed the shiny object that was on the floor.

It was a ring

Lexa tried to make sense of the situation before her.

_Why would she-_

**

_**4 years ago - One day before the airport** _

_"Can you get that!" Clarke yelled from the other room_

_Lexa picked up her phone and answered the unknown call_

_"Hi, this is Stacey from the Cartier down at York Avenue. Am I speaking to Clarke Griffin?"_

_"Uh no, but I can leave a message" Lexa said_

_"Can you let her know that order will be ready for pickup this afternoon"_

_"Yes, I'll let her know" Lexa said indifferently_

_The blonde walked back into the room, wrapping her arms around the brunette's waist, leaving soft kisses on her shoulder._

_"Who was that" She mumbled_

_"It was Cartier, apparently your order is ready for pickup today"_

_Clarke's body tensed from behind her_

_"Oh, I was um helping Jasper pick up a gift for his new girlfriend Maya" She lied, trying to maintain her composure._

_"Okay" Lexa shrugged. She was a bit confused but the blonde was now trailing her hand down to her crotch and she lost all chain of thought._

**

Lexa felt the air being ripped out of her lungs, she parted her lips in shock as she put it all together.

Clarke was sniffling, her face covered in tears as she tore her gaze away from Lexa

"Clarke- " She choked

"Fuck you Lexa" She sobbed as she walked out the room.

 


	26. Speak: Part 2

Lexa marched over to her bunk agressively shoving the ring on the table beside Ontari.

The younger brunette eyed the tiny peice of sculpted metal. It was beautiful. A stunning diamond that engorged from the edge, with smaller diamonds surrounding the expensive platinum rimming.

"Omg yes I'll Marry you" Ontari squealed in a mocking tone, laughing as she continued to inspect the element.

It was when Lexa did not return that laughter did she notice that the older brunette had been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy, her eyelids slightly swelling on the outside.

"Lex I'm sorry, it was a joke" She said, looking at the sobbing mess that had become Lexa woods.

She turned to sit on the bed, her nose was red from sniffling and her lips were still quivering uncontrollably.

Ontari moved to sit beside her, gently grazing her shoulder.

"Talk to me Lexa" She soothed

"I-it's C- Clarke's" She croaked

She younger woman scrunched her eyebrows in confusion

"Okay you lost me" Ontari confessed

"It's Clarke's ring, she bought it for m-me" She sobbed

"I'm still not following, what do you mean it's- _Oh_ " She looked at the brunette, who softly nodded.

"Oh my God" Ontari had a lot of questions but she didn't want to agitate Lexa even more

"When?" was the only thing she could manage to choke out

"I think t-the day that I left her" She sobbed, closing her eyes and letting the tears flow freely.

"Lexa.." she said softly as she wrapped her arms around the brunette shoulder, bringing her in for a tight embrace.

"What do I do?" She sniffled, staining Ontari's shirt with tears.

"You need to talk to her, tell her everything" She looked down at the brunette "You have to Lex, you owe her that much"

"What do I even say" She choked, breaking free from the embrace and wiping away her tears

"Start with how you feel, and no, not some bullshit I love you...how you really feel"

"I don't know what to say" She said quietly

"You're a big girl Lexa, you can figure it out. I can't help you on that one" She said as she patted her lap and began to walk away slowly

"It felt like dying" She finally said

The younger brunette stopped walking

"That's what it felt like not being with her" she choked " It felt like dying" She repeated

Ontari turned around to face the older woman. She smirked, knowing she had succeeded in getting the older woman to to open up.

"Everyday that went by without her, I felt like a small piece of me died everytime. She took parts of me awat in ways I can't even explain. Everytime I thought about her, everytime I saw a picture of her, I felt like I couldn't breathe. It reduced me to nothing. I felt numb all the time, I couldn't feel pain anymore, not a physical level not nor on an emotional level. I tried everything to tigger an emotion, something, anything...I couldn't feel it Ontari. I would drink just so that I could escape to a shittier reality that I was already in. It wasn't living..It was death in its slowest, most painful form"

Ontari felt her throat go dry at the brunette's words, she had never seen her so sad...so vulnerable. She remembers the first day Lexa came into the prison. Robot. That's what everyone called her. She didn't care about anyone or anything, like a machine masked as a human being.

"Good" The younger woman said softly as she grabbed the ring and gently placed back into the brunette's hand " Now go talk you your girl" She smiled, closing Lexa's hand around the ring

*

Lexa fixed herself up and made her way back to the upper level. Her hands were shaking, she was nervous. She took a deep breath in and walked into the blonde's room.

She opened her mouth to say something but quickly closed it when she found that Clarke was not there but instead she was greeted by the angry duo, who where now staring Lexa down, crossing their arms in the process.

"Where is she?" Lexa asked, clearing her throat

"Second floor by the GED office, you'll find her in the hallway corner...but you didn't hear that from us" Octavia said in a cold tone as she turned away from the brunette.

"If you ever hurt her again Woods..." Raven warned

"I won't" Lexa quickly cut her off, she truly meant it.

*

She found the blonde in the corner of the hallway, softly sobbing by herself. She slowly walked towards her, the nerves beginning to kick in once again.

"Yes" Lexa said, she was now standing in front of the older woman

Clarke looked up at her with thd beautiful blue teary eyes

"W-what?" She sniffled

"That's what I would have said if you asked me to marry you that day" She said softly, crouching down to level with her eyes. "But I guess it's too late for that now"

Clarke looked away, tears streaming down her face.

"Why did you leave me Lexa?" She cried

"I..i- never wanted to leave you, not ever Clarke"

"Then why did you?" Her voice was weak

"Titus...he said that you were distraction, that I wasn't fulfilling my duties to him accordingly. He gave me two options..." She croaked "Either I stay with you and leave him or I stay with him and leave you"

"I don't want to hear the rest of this" Clarke jolted out of her spot in anger

"Clarke please" She grabbed the blonde's wrist

"Let me finish, you may hate me even more and you may never want to talk to me again...but please let me say this then you never have to speak to me, I promise"

Clarke's expression remained in tact as she resumed her spot on the corner, crossing her arms

"I never wanted you to leave but Titus is not a man to mess with and when he wants to someone gone..trust me h-he'll find a way make it happen"

Clarke parted her lips as she took a sharp inhale of breath at the implied death threat

" I could never let that happen to you" Lexa said, looking into the blonde's eyes

"You still haven't answred my question" Clarke hissed, trying not betray any emotion

"I made the decision with my head and not my heart Clarke. Titus was there for me when no one else was. He picked me off the street and gave me a home. He gave me an education and supported me in any way that he could. He could be a cruel man sometimes but he took care of me when I was sick, went to all my parent-teacher meetings at school, he was the man that saw me off to my senior prom and the man that cheered for me at graduation. He was the parent I never had and as much as I loved you Clarke, I couldn't let him down. I just couldn't" She confessed, looking down the whole time.

Clarke remained silent, gazing at the tense brunette

"If he really loved you, he wouldn't have forced you to make a decision" She finally said

"He had his flaws, but he was all I had" She said quietly

"You had me..." Clarke looked down

Lexa softly grazed her hand over Clarke's chin pulling it up gently to face the girl in front of her

"I never meant to hurt you, I loved you so much Clarke and I still do"

Clarke didn't say anything but continued to look at the woman before her in awe.

"How can I trust that? She finally said

Lexa thought for a minute, she had so much to say and she didn't know how to let it all out at once. She pondered for a minute, still not saying anything.

"You snore...like all the time-

"Wow Lex you really know how to flatter a girl" She said sarcastically

"and you tell really bad jokes- oh and also you couldn't cook if your life depended on it..."

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows

"...you also eat uncontrollably when you get stressed and your nose twitches whenever you lie"

Clarke opened her mouth to retaliate, her cheeks were burning red with embarrassment.

"Those are your flaws but the things that I love most about you...it's what makes you, you" She smiled " But I also love how passionate you are, I love that you look for the best in everyone. I love that you used to sit with me hours watching my boring documentaries. I love the fact that you're the only person that still uses voice mail. I love how you used to fall asleep and in the middle of every skype call, I love that you snored then too.." She giggled " I love your beautiful eyes, your glowing smile and your soft golden hair. I love that I could never get tired of looking at you " She said moving the strand of hair away from Clarke's eye. "Most importantly I love how you make me feel, you were the love of my life and my best friend and I could never imagine getting bored of you..." She took Clarke's hands in hers "I love everything about you Clarke, I made a mistake that I will forever regret for the rest of my life. You may never want to forgive but I don't want you to ever doubt how I feel about you" She said in a soft voice, boldly planting gentle kisses on her knuckles.

Clarke's expression softened, her tears had dried up as she let out a weak smile staring into Lexa's loving, tired eyes. She wanted to stay like this, no more talking, no more hurt...just this. They sat there for fifteen minutes, in complete silence. Clarke's breath hitched everytime she thought of the brunette's words.

She slowly pulled away from Lexa, standing up to leave.

Lexa looked up at her, watching her walk away. She smiled to herself, it was not the reaction she was hoping for but at least her heart didn't feel as heavy. She spoke her mind and Clarke listened, that's more than what she could have ever asked for.

*

It was one a.m in the morning, the prison guard had fallen asleep in his chair and Clarke took the opportunity to sneak out of her bunk and down the basement. There was no one patrolling the premise so she made her to the tiny area beside the brunette's bunk, watching the beautiful figure gracefully falling asleep.

"Lexa" She whispered

The younger woman shifted slightly

"Lexa" She repeated

"Mhm" She slowly fluttered her eyes open. "C-Clarke?" She squinted as she proped herself on her elbows. "What are you doing here?"

"Move over" The blonde gestured

She was still very confused and slightly drowsy but she was not going to object. Lexa skooted her body towards the wall, leaving enough space for the blonde to lay down next to her.

They were now lying face to face in the crammed bed.

She gently grazed Lexa's hair "I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow but right now what I do know is that I want to be here with you" She trailed her hand down to her waist and pulled her closer "...like this" Lexa sighed at the intimate contact. "I'm scared and I-

"Ssh" Lexa whispered, the blonde had had enough for today. She gently broke free of the tight grip and gestured for the blonde to turn around. "Sleep" She wrapped her arms around her waist, spooning her from behind. She planted a soft kiss on her neck and watched the blonde gently fall asleep in her arms.

 

 

 


	27. Author's Note, Please read

Hey guys so I know it's been so long since I last posted I've been so preoccupied with summer school but my exam is soon and then I'll be done! I'm really sorry for making you wait and I promise it won't happen again.

Also I have decided to write two fics because I love you all so much and the choice was two difficult

One will be a the highschool fic where Lexa is the mean popular girl and Clarke is the shy antisocial one. ( G!p Clarke, I know it doesn't really fit but I wanted to portray Lexa as the popular girl kind of thing and I feel like the g!p would make her more of a fratboy popular, which is not what I'm going for and I have plans for that story line so I think it'll be interesting)

The other will be teacher/student where Clarke is the teacher and Lexa is the manipulative student. ( G!p Lexa)

I will be writing both of these!

I have posted the latest chapter after this and I hope you all like it!


	28. Next To You

Ontari groaned as sharp sun rays seeded through her eye lids. She shifted in her bed, slowly fluttering her eyes open. Across from her she could see Lexa and a blonde stranger sleeping together her bed. She inched her head closer to the scene, squinting her eyes to get a better view of the mysterious woman. It was no other than Clarke Griffin. The younger brunette gasped in excitement. Her expression slowly turning into a smile.

She got out of her bed quietly, careful enough not to wake them up as she exited the premise.

*

Clarke opened her eyes slowly, a soft smile revelling in her face as she enveloped in the warmth of the younger woman's body pressed tightly against hers. Lexa still had her arms wrapped around her waist and their legs were tangled in one another. She tried to break free of the grip, trying her best not to wake the brunette up. She shifted a couple of times but Lexa's grip only my got tighter.

"Lexa" she whispered

"Mhm" Lexa mumbled

"I have work, I'm late" She said trying to break free once again

"No" Lexa pulled her back in pressing Clarke's back against her front

"I'm serious" She giggled as she turned to finally face the green eyed beauty

"Mm..good morning" Lexa said in a raspy voice, meeting the sparkling blue eyes before her

"Good morning" The blonde whispered, tugging the the brown strand of hair away from the brunette's face

"Inmates! Get up" The officer snapped them both out of the endearing moment.

"I hate prison" Lexa groaned

"Let's go" Clarke chuckled as she finally got out of the bed, pulling Lexa's arm along with her.

"No" The brunette said sternly grabbing Clarke's arm pulling her back into her embrace, this time the blonde landed on top off her

The older woman gasped at sudden the rough behaviour. Their faces were inches apart, she could feel Lexa's hot breath hovering over her hers. She nudged her nose slightly. Their chests were heaving against each other. She could feel the early onset of the brunette's arousal pressing against her center.

"Inmates! Now!" The officer yelled once again

Lexa groaned, mumbling a few curse words at the correctional officer

Clarke giggled as she got off the younger woman.

*

Clarke made her way out to the field, looking for the older blonde. She knew it wouldn't be fair to string Niylah along while she was still trying to figure out her emotions towards Lexa.

Once she spotted her, she slowly walked towards her.

"Hey you" Niylah smiles, as she welcomed Clarke into a warm embrace

"Hey Niylah" She said, trying to force out a weak smile

"Are you okay?" She asked

"Yea I'm fine" the blonde sighed. "Can we talk?" She said, gesturing the older woman to sit down

Niylah sat down beside Clarke, waiting for the younger woman to initiate the coversation.

They sat quietly for a few moments before Clarke broke the silence.

"I don't know how to say this.." Clarke hesitated, fumbling with her fingers

"What is it? You can tell me Clarke" Niylah said softly, placing one hand on Clarke's and the other was softly caressing her face.

"We can't continue...this" Clarke finally said, looking away from the older woman

Niylah scrunched her eyebrows in confusion, slightly shifting away from Clarke

"There's nothing wrong with you Niylah, I really enjoyed our time together but I- I -

"It's Lexa" The woman said, in a gently understanding tone

Clarke parted her lips to retaliate, but Niylah was a smart girl and nothing could get passed her. She stared at the woman across her for a few more moments before she looked down again, feeling ashamed of herself.

"I see it in the way you look at her" She said gently

Clarke continued to look down, not daring to face the woman before her.

Niylah inched herself closer to Clarke, softly grabbing her chin to face her. Her eyes were glossy tears she was trying to suppress

"Clarke, I care for you and I always will but if she is the one that you want to be with, then go be with her. I'm always going to be here if you need someone to talk to" She said, giving her a warm smile.

She leaned to closer to give the younger woman a warm hug. Clarke hugged her back tightly, letting the tears stream freely down her face.

"Thank you" She sobbed

*

Lexa spent her day in the garden, grinning like an idiot. She felt warm inside, her heart would flutter whenever she would think of the blonde. She tired distancing herself all day, too scared that if she approached the blonde, she would scare her off and end up where they started. Clarke was still confused about her feelings and Lexa knew that, she did not want to put any more pressure on her.

Later on that day she was sitting on her bed when she saw Clarke approaching her from a distance. She quickly stood up, unsure of what to say or how to react since everything that has happened. Clarke gave her a warm smile as she continued to walk towards the brunette. Lexa did notice something, Clarke had been crying. Her eyes were hazy and slightly red. She wondered if Clarke was beginning to regret everything and the realization of that made Lexa's heart sink.

"Clarke" She said softly, caressing her face. "Are you okay?"

The blonde melted into her touch, closing her eyes.

"I'm fine" She said, giving a weak smile

"You've been crying" Lexa stated in a concerned tone

"I- uh I ended things with Niylah" She confessed

_Oh_

Lexa was unsure of how to react, as happy as she was to hear the news a part of her yearned for the woman that was hurting

"I'm sorry Clarke" Lexa said softly

"It was for the best" The older woman said, giving her a warm smile.

Lexa smiled back then looked away, fumbling through the pocket of her pants. "I forgot to give this back to you" She said as she retrieved the small object and stepped closer to Clarke, holding the ring in front of her. "Maybe one day you'll find it in your heart to love me once again" She whispered and closed Clarke's hand around the ring

She gazed into her eyes for a few more moments before turning her head to walk away. It was not long before Lexa felt herself being yanked back towards the blonde, their lips clashing together in a rough yet passionate kiss. She placed her hand on Clarke's neck, wanting to be as close to her as possible. Her lips were still so soft, she couldn't believe what was happening. Her heart was pounding out of her chest and she felt the rare feeling of tingliness in her stomach. It was the most amazing feeling and Lexa did not dare to open her eyes, too afraid that it would all be a dream. An odd taste of a bitter salty flavour suddenly hit her taste buds. She opened her eyes slightly to find Clarke crying into the kiss, too overwhelmed by her emotions. Lexa shut her eyes, kissing her with everything she had.

Clarke pulled away, resting her forehead on Lexa's

"I do" The blonde whispered "I do love you Lexa" She said, nudging their noses together

"I love you Clarke" She croaked, fighting the tears that were threatening to escape.

 

 

 

 


	29. Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated-R

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm am extremely sorry I have not updated at all in the past month. I was working as a camp consellor for the month of August and I did not have much electronic resources. I do applogize and I hope to never let you guys wait that long again. I stil have so many ideas for this story and hope you continue to love it! Let me know what you think!

She made her way to the upper level in search of her the blue eyed beauty. She caught a glimpse of Octavia and walked towards her, determined to find out where the blonde was. 

"She's in the shower" The younger brunette blurted before Lexa could say anything

"How did you-"

"You're becoming predictable Woods" She said over her shoulder as she walked away 

She knew she wasn't allowed in Skaikru showers but she couldn't help it, she missed Clarke and wanted to see her before they had to go to work. Once she made her way in, it was oddly quiet and there was no sign of Clarke. Minutes later a figure emerged from one of the shower booths. 

"Lexa!" She quickly scrambled for the nearest towel 

Lexa's jaw dropped at the sight of her lover, completely naked in front of her. She was glistening wet from head to toe and the brunette couldn't help but stare. Her creamy coloured skin that hadn't seemed to faulter in six years, the perfect curves that extended from her waist all the way down to her slender thighs. She couldn't help but notice that Clarke was neatly shaved and Lexa yearned to surge forward and attack her body with kisses but instead she stood there in shock, mouth wide open as she watched the woman before her struggle to wrap a towel around her exposed body. 

"I'm so sorry Clarke" She said quickly, trying to avoid making eye contact. Her cheeks were flushed and her entire body felt extremely hot. 

"It's okay" Clarke said softly, adjusting the towel along her torso. 

When Lexa looked back up at the blonde she noticed that her gaze was fixed on a specific point on her body. She followed her eyes down to the growing problem in Lexa's pants. There was a noticeble erection buldging out of her pants. She could have sworn she saw Clarke smirking, she was enjoying Lexa's embarrassing predicament. 

"I uh I'm going to go, sorry again. I didn't think you would be- actually nevermind I'm not sure what I expected..I mean you're in the shower room" The brunette stumbled over her words as she began to make her way out of the shower room. "I'm going to go take care of this" Clarke's eyes widened "No! um I mean myself, I'm going to take care of it..myself" Lexa's face was bright red. The blonde only watched her, trying to suppress a laugh. "Okay bye Clarke" She quickly gestured and walked away.

Lexa rushed to the nearest washroom, her hand awkwardly covering her crotch as she avoided everyone that tried to talk to her.

Once she made it into one of the stalls she quickly dropped her pants and watched as her member sprung up to her abdomen. She sighed in relief when she wrapped her fingers around it, giving it one long stroke from base to tip, trying her best to forget the incident in the shower room. It didn't feel right relieving herself to the thought of Clarke's naked body after everything they have been through, she felt like she was disrespecting the blonde. She tried to think of anything else but the image of her Clarke's wet body kept reappearing her mind. Her other hand gripped the wall infront of her tightly, trying to maintain some composure. 

"Inmate!" She heard someone yell from outside the stall. It was one of the female correctional officers. "You're late for your shift!"

"I'm using the washroom" Lexa panted, her movements slowing down. 

"You've been in there for 10 mintues. Get out!" The officer said sternly 

Lexa was so close but she knew she had to stop. She abruptly stopped pumping herself, wincing in pain as she tried to stuff her uncomfortable hard-on back in her in boxers. She tried to make it as least noticeable at possible. She made her way out of the stall, her face still flushed as she aggressively glared back at the impatient officer that was standing infront of her with her arms crossed.

"Get to work inmate" She snarled 

*

The rest of the day Lexa remained flustered, images of Clarke from earlier on that day reappearing in her mind everytime her hormones soothed down. She tried avoiding the older woman the whole day, too embarrassed to face her after the awkward encounter. All the inmates were asleep and Lexa figured she would make it up to the blonde the next morning. Aside from the erotic thoughts that surfaced her mind, it was still those ocean blue eyes and golden blonde hair that put a smile to her face before she fell asleep. 

*

"Lexa" The blonde whispered 

"Mhm" The brunette mumbled 

"Wake up"

"What-huh what is it?" Lexa fluttered her eyes open

"Clarke" She said, almost questioning 

"I can't sleep" 

Lexa got up, gazing sheepishly into Clarke's eyes 

"Hey" she rasped 

"Hi" The blonde smiled " I missed you today" She said as she took a seat next to the younger woman.

The brunette smiled back, an idea struck her mind as she suddenly grabbed her wrist and made her way out of the bunk 

"Where are we going?" Clarke asked, trailing behind her 

"Just follow me"

Lexa led her to a deserted hallway that led to a door with an old, rusty "do not enter" sign plastered on it. They walked towards the door when the brunette halted, figeting with the lock. 

"Lexa we're going to get caught, what are you doing?" She whispered in an agitated tone

"Do you trust me?" She held out her hand 

She looked into the misty green eyes full of hope and smiled, taking Lexa's hand in hers. 

When she opened the door, the cold breeze washed over the both of them. It was then when Clarke realized that the door lead to them out to the field. 

"The guards are never out here at this time" Lexa smiled

Clarke looked around at the deserted area, allowing the beautiful wether to wash over her. It was calm and relaxing..it was just what she needed.

"How did you know about that door?" Clarke asked 

"I have my ways" Lexa winked, dropping to the ground and laying down on the soft grass. 

The blonde was soon laying down next to her, intertwining her fingers with the younger woman. 

"So this morning..." The older woman smirked 

Lexa groaned at the memory "I'm really sorry Clarke, I just missed you and..I wanted to see you and I don't know what I was think-"

"Hey, it's okay Lexa. I didn't mind" She said softy, curling in Lexa's side, draping her arm around her waist. "I missed you too" She nuzzled her face in the crook of the brunette's neck, inhaling the scent that made her feel at home.

Lexa's heart was pounding out of her chest, she was smiling like a five year old child, planting soft kisses on Clarke's forehead. 

"You know you caught me at a good time this morning" Clarke said in a playful tone of voice 

"W-what do you mean?" Lexa gulped, knowing all too well what Clarke's teasing voice sounded like. 

"Well, I've been thinking about you a lot recently and you know I just had to relieve...some pressure" Her voice was getting lower and sultrier. 

"Fuck" Lexa cursed underneath her breath.

Clarke trailed her finger down her abdomen, circling her stomach teasingly, leaving soft kisses on her neck. 

"Clarke" She moaned, trying to make it sound like a warning.

She trailed her hand lower until they reached the waistband of Lexa's pants 

"W-what are you doing?" Lexa stuttered

"Ssh, let me take care of you" She whispered, her hand moving past the wasitband of her pants and rubbing the hard member through her boxer briefs.

Lexa screwed her eyes shut, enveloping in the amazing sensation in her pants

Clarke chuckled, reaching into her briefs and feeling Lexa's hard, hot flesh throbbing against her palm. The brunette's hips jutted forward at the sudden skin to skin contact. 

"Clarke" She whimpered 

"Mhm" Clarke mumbled, laying soft kisses along Lexa's neck 

"Fuck Clarke" She whispered, staring into the ocean blue eyes

She pulled the hard length out of her pants, letting the thick rod stand proudly in the the cool air.

Lexa let out a shaky breath as she sighed in relief. 

Although she was enjoying Lexa's quiet grunts of pleasure, she needed more. She wanted to make the brunette scream.

She quickened her movements, watching as the pre-cum coated her entire length.  
The sudden change is pace took Lexa by surprise resulting in an oddly feminine moan that motivated Clarke to go even faster. 

"Shit Clarke" She panted, she tilted her head forward to get a glimpse of the scene. Clarke's hand was stroking her entire length from base to tip, occasionally swirling her hand. She almost came at the sight.

"Come for me baby" She whispered 

The pet name made her heart flutter, she shut her eyes tightly as she felt herself coming undone

"Clarke!" She whispered harshly as the jets of white cum went flying across her abdomen and over all Clarke's hand.

Once her breathing had settled down, she felt her eyes swelling with tears, unable to hold back the stream of salty liquid pouring down her face.

"Lex..are you okay?" She said in a worried tone

The brunette quickly wiped her face "Yeah..its just you, I mean you're here with me and" she paused " I don't know, I just don't want to lose you again" She confessed 

"Hey, look at me" She lifted Lexa's chin with her finger and stared into the glossy green eyes "I'm not going anywhere" She said smiling at the younger woman 

Lexa smiled then quickly realized her pants were still resting at her thighs and Clarke's fingers were still coated in her juices 

"We should go back" She said quickly putting her pants back on as Clarke tried wiping away the cum. 

"Hey Lex" She stopped walking 

"Yea" 

"I love you" She said quietly 

"I love you too Clarke" She said, fighting the butterflies in her stomach


End file.
